I am missing my long sessions with words, especially here on wordpress. I am trying a lot to return to my writing schedule but I don’t know what it is that’s keeping me away from it, whether a writer’s block or some other distraction.
Every now and then I start hoiping to continue but I fail in my attempt. Though I picked up at my book, which I am writing since last year. The first draft is near to completion and I geel overjoyed to share my small achievement with all you out there, that I had sent my synopsis and sample chapter to Olampiya Publishers, London and was called back saying they are intrested to go through my complete manuscript. So I am trying to complete it.
Apart from that I am editing my first 3 videos for my new youtube chennel Telugu Urbex. Though I have to film more often then what I do but there are some personal setbacks which are delaying the shoot and hindering the progress of the channel work.
But whatever the reason may be I have made my mind to have a writing schedule for somedays so that I am back on my track. In this process I may be writing small blogs but will try to be in touch so that no distraction is successful do dither me from my objective and above all from the possitive and encouraging support of wonderful people out here always present to cheerup.
Thank you all of you for being there whenever I need words of encouragement. Keep showing me the path and be the guiding light
I thought of writing over my wounds
to hide them
but then they were so deep and afresh
even to scribble
I moved on in search of peace
to calm the pain
then the mirracle happened
and yet again
I found my peace vested in you
I keep falling
for you again and again
Somewhere on the net I read ” when you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed” I am waiting for that moment to happen to me, when i can turn back and atleast smile without a tinge of pain, over what I want to tell in the book I am writing, which I actually avoid writing.
I know its not only about me but everyone arround me. Still its a sad and bitter experience for me and I know where I have been due to this and how I have come back, not yet to the mark I was supposed to be but still kicking back at life and trying to heal, from the place where once was and never wanted to come back. I never wanted to see what life could hold for me or what sun’s first ray of light hold for me. But then I gathered all my willingness to love back and see the smiles on my children’s face I tried to fake what I wanted and here I am today, trying to take over my life and have my own way, not giving in, to my demons.
I never looked for any one to help me climb up but I supported my self to climb the ladder towards light. There was or is no one to understand me but me, so i just hold my hand and walk step by step in the darkest of hours just hoping to reach the point from where I can start my journey towards light. There were many critical points in past couple of years when everything was blurred and muddled and I wanted to give up but some how could not do so. Because everytime it happened a voice in me told to hold on little bit tighter and hangon, because I never was a coward but a fighter, a lone one, I always hadbeen my own strength so how come I can give up so easily or without trying a one more time and thus whenever I felt low the innervoice told me same thing over and over again. Even now it continues to knock some sense in my dumb head. If it was not for my gutt feeling I would never have survived so long. Not this heart break atleast. In other words I have been a good cheerleader for myself in hard times and still am and will continue to be.
Earlier I thought being a writer is very cool and to write about your pain, is cooler then anything else but now I knnow for being a cool writer how hard you have to work and how much pain you have to go through. Living the long burried painful moments again and again is very tiring and horrible. Then I came to know being a writer is very responsible thing because you are influencing lives of many through your pains, gains and losses for which you have to relive them. Because you know yourself better and all your experiences come in handy while writing. Thus, I understand that writing is really a healer for not readers alone but for the writers too. A best way to come out of your inhibitions and encounter your fears, pains, losses and other darker side of you. Writing about them not only heals you but inspires others also giving them the hope and a way to try out. It`s like saving your own life.
Sometimes I hide from myself when I don`t want to write or stop writing. It happens often, because I cann`t take the burden of my demons. I just start running, forgetting that its the only way out. The more I will acknowladge it the lesser the impact will be upon me. But sometimes I feel exhausted and left with no energy to carry on. But I know I have to face it some or the other day so why not now, this brings me back to my paper and pen. Because I want everyone to know that failures and defeats are a small part of our life but the life as a whole is very vast and promising if we give it a chance and a second chance in case of some people. periodical drawbacks cann`t be given chance to loom over a big chunk of life demolishing it to nothingness and robbing us of our right to be happy ever after.
So I write just to say if I can try so others can too.