My Escape

Thi is exactly the place I saw in my imagination when I was meditating. And since then I have made it my retreat. Whenever I am tensed or need to relax my mind; this is where I go, only one white peaceful two room place which I made in imagination is missing.

Cake making

It was her idea to bake a cake. But my heart didn’t agree to permit her to do so. She is so small, how could she accomplish such a nasty job.

But then I had to give up against her constant nagging to do a cake all by herself.

So, finally today she assembled everything needed for her cake. With so much enthusiasm and happy mood, she started her work, but two ingredients fell short. My heart broke thinking she might feel bad, but to my surprise in a very cool manner she asked for the substitutes. And I was a proud happy mommy to oblige.

The initial idea was to bake a chocolate cake, but as we were short of adequate amount of chocolate we made chocolate, vanilla and the icing was divided into two parts. One for the inner layer and the other for top layer.

The cake took 25 to 30 minutes to bake on the gas, till then I asked her to finish her lunch. But her excitement was so much that every now and then she wanted to check on its progress. Finally, when it was done her excitement was on top. While cutting the cake she told the family members that it’s her birthday, so, everyone should sing a birthday song for her which we did happily. And my heart swelled with love for the child, seeing her face glowing with pride of accomplishment.

Well, I didn’t mention her age.. she is in grade 4 and 8 years old.

Thanks for reading a proud mommy’s little girl’s beautiful accomplishment.

There is no second chance, always.

McDonald’s opened at the regular timings. It was less crowded then evening timings, when youngsters flooded the place. The door opened and a sophistic man entered. The air round him, said about his arrogance. He looked around. There on the corner table; their usual pick in this McD, since their courting days, she was sitting. He strolled towards her. On reaching her, he stood like a tower behind her. For a couple of seconds he gazed her then putting his hand into his coat pockets, juggled the car keys. She looked up and with her eyes pointed towards the chair opposite to her. Releasing a sigh while sitting down, he asked, ” What do you want me to say? ” and waited for her to answer. She started ” You remember when we first met, it w…” He interrupted in middle ” Living with you, drama queen was like having my own personal tv reality show.” He continued, ” I can’t. I don’t want to go through this again.” She lost her control and a sob escaped her mouth. With teary voice she said, ” How many times do you think a heart can break?” His reply was immediate, ” When are you going to realise that I don’t care.” “You are the reason I am on medication.” and with this a tear welling up in the eye rolled down her cheeks and kissing her lips fell onto her open palm, placed on table. ” This is all your fault.” He said looking round him to find service boy waiting for their order. ” I hope so.” She said dabbing her face with a handkerchief. Before she could say anything he declared, ” This isn’t the right time.” ” Will it ever be?” She asked and jerked her chair back to get up and go. She opened the door and stepped outside. There was no going back now she knew. ” Where are you going?” He asked. ” Somewhere that isn’t here.” She said.

Follow up on Previous post.

The time plays a big role on our actions. This I can say by my most recent post. The post involves my thoughts over suicide of Indian actor Sushant Singh Rajpoot.
My view over suicide is same as described in the above mentioned post but believe me it was not intended to be expressed in this way, I mean the post. The time changed and mind played it’s trump card, ‘ The Depression ‘ and each word of it (post/) the feel of it went for a toss. And nowit shows the inner turmoil of my mind.
Depression, really can change everything. It has the real power to squeeze away a single drop of hope and light from your life. People who don’t get it, don’t understand it. It is like a sleeping monesterous snake or a ugliest and dangerous demon residing in your mind.
They say it is cureable but they forget it’s not a chalk on the board that can be dusted off. It is for real and is there to stay for ever, denting your mind. It may sleep for a while but never goes away and keeps lurking in the darkest and deepest places of your mind, controlling your life, moods and every thing that used to be you. It replaces actual you with your replica. You start feeling like a stranger in your body, in your own home and lonely with your loved ones. Everything change, every aspect of life!
It cannot be cured but kept at bay by avoiding the triggers. Like what happened in the case of the previous article. The post was supposed to be about the actor and his sudden death which shook me to the cores of my soul. I don’t know why but it did. But before I could sir down to write something happened at my end that the darkness rose from its hiding and damped the feelings and the outcome is what you read or will read.

Thoughts on Sushant Singh’s suicide.

Sometimes the thought occurs ‘ what Sushant Singh Rajput did, requires a lot of courage. If..only if, I had that much guts.’ May be some will say, I am wrong in saying so but I know what it means to end your thriving life. How hard it is to bring yourself to the point where you leave everything behind and opt out of the present painful situation. May be some might not agree with me but for me it’s not a cowardly act to quit but a very tough and hard decision and an act of bravery. It includes to summon all your will power to give up your dreams, desires and hopes which not all can do. To leave behind everything you love and for which you were fighting till now to leave that behind, how can it be cowardly. I only wish if I had that gut power,that much courage. This pain of heart break, the loneliness and the darkness I hide in me and live with, drain tos out all that it takes to live so quitting is the best option. I want to question people who say quitting is cowardly act and living requires lot of strength and courage. How can it be so? Just try to quit once and see what requires courage. You will not be able to kill yourself that easily. Your mind will not let you do so to your body as our bodies are meant to survive, to safeguard themselves. Thus fighting and surviving is but natural thing. Quitting from life itself is  something you win over. So how can suicide be a cowardly act? It’s always been and always will be the act of bravery. Don’t say it’s running away from situation because you don’t know what hardships and pain or stress and pressure and heartbreak or fear a person might be going through. How surviving with it losing one is  correct when knowing the option in your hand and not taking it. Isn’t it wrong? For me it is. I already said leaving behind everything, everybody and all desires or dreams that matter you the most is not easy. It requires a lot of inner strength and a strong will power so you don’t weaken and change your mind to be in the same wrath. I have made my point clear or rather say kept forward my opinion, it’s upto you to react your way; but remember one thing, there is no wrong or right. This is the difference of perspective, what you opine and act is right in your view and what I opine and act is correct in my view. So, when both are correct how can be anyone wrong? As you or me, have no right to judge anyone.