I have loved you since ages. I don’t even remember what birth it is, when I have come seeking you. I found you but not your heart. It belonged to someone who was not present earlier but came into scene much later then I came into your life.
Sometimes I think why me? What wrong had I done, that I got this pain. Love was my ultimate retreat but now I am confused about my own reactions concerning love. I am toatlly empty and dried up. No emotions swell up in my bossom anymore.
When you say something pretty or sweet, it sounds mare words without feelings and emotions. Rhe other day when you uttered sweet nothings meant only for me to hear but my mind told me that these are just hollow words, in my absence you will go to her and say same sweet things but with more depth to her.
May be all your words have deep feelings for her. You crave for her from deepest core of your heart. And this fills me with a sense of guilt, a guilt that doeanot let me have a single moment of peace. Chaos, is all I find arround me.
Why I am feeling like this again, you might think but this feeling never left me. It always is there engulfing me, luring me to infinite pain. I try hard to settle it down, hide it below the carpet sometimes or show it a brave face and handle it boldly but there are times when it catches me when my guards are down and I am most weak.
I hope one day its read by from the one for whom it is written. And his muse who is the sole reason for all my pain. They feel the sharp stab of pain, right through their heart but would not be able to undone, what has been done. And live with the burden of the guilt whole life.
But no, I don’t wish them tue pain and hurt, instead I want love and laughter and success for them. I cannot fail my heart like him. I have full respect for my heart’s choice of love. For him I cannot even think of hurt. If he is in pain my pain doubles. So I asked him to go for his choice and live a loving life with her. I know its hard to leave him but If he is happy with her how long can I pretend or hold him back. One day he will leave. It will be my second defeat. So it is batter to mobe aahead instead of being left or thrown out of his life.
May be I am suffering the pain again. My ups have ended and my down has begun. So sharing all my feelings with friends and like mindeds may cure or hold me on the thrash hold of sanity.