Reaching out for help.

I have loved you since ages. I don’t even remember what birth it is, when I have come seeking you. I found you but not your heart. It belonged to someone who was not present earlier but came into scene much later then I came into your life.

Sometimes I think why me? What wrong had I done, that I got this pain. Love was my ultimate retreat but now I am confused about my own reactions concerning love. I am toatlly empty and dried up. No emotions swell up in my bossom anymore.

When you say something pretty or sweet, it sounds mare words without feelings and emotions. Rhe other day when you uttered sweet nothings meant only for me to hear but my mind told me that these are just hollow words, in my absence you will go to her and say same sweet things but with more depth to her.

May be all your words have deep feelings for her. You crave for her from deepest core of your heart. And this fills me with a sense of guilt, a guilt that doeanot let me have a single moment of peace. Chaos, is all I find arround me.

Why I am feeling like this again, you might think but this feeling never left me. It always is there engulfing me, luring me to infinite pain. I try hard to settle it down, hide it below the carpet sometimes or show it a brave face and handle it boldly but there are times when it catches me when my guards are down and I am most weak.
I hope one day its read by from the one for whom it is written. And his muse who is the sole reason for all my pain. They feel the sharp stab of pain, right through their heart but would not be able to undone, what has been done. And live with the burden of the guilt whole life.

But no, I don’t wish them tue pain and hurt, instead I want love and laughter and success for them. I cannot fail my heart like him. I have full respect for my heart’s choice of love. For him I cannot even think of hurt. If he is in pain my pain doubles. So I asked him to go for his choice and live a loving life with her. I know its hard to leave him but If he is happy with her how long can I pretend or hold him back. One day he will leave. It will be my second defeat. So it is batter to mobe aahead instead of being left or thrown out of his life.

May be I am suffering the pain again. My ups have ended and my down has begun. So sharing all my feelings with friends and like mindeds may cure or hold me on the thrash hold of sanity.

Reaching out for help.

I have loved you since ages. I don’t even remember what birth it is, when I have come seeking you. I found you but not your heart. It belonged to someone who was not present earlier but came into scene much later then I came into your life.

Sometimes I think why me? What wrong had I done, that I got this pain. Love was my ultimate retreat but now I am confused about my own reactions concerning love. I am toatlly empty and dried up. No emotions swell up in my bossom anymore.

When you say something pretty or sweet, it sounds mare words without feelings and emotions. Rhe other day when you uttered sweet nothings meant only for me to hear but my mind told me that these are just hollow words, in my absence you will go to her and say same sweet things but with more depth to her.

May be all your words have deep feelings for her. You crave for her from deepest core of your heart. And this fills me with a sense of guilt, a guilt that doeanot let me have a single moment of peace. Chaos, is all I find arround me.

Why I am feeling like this again, you might think but this feeling never left me. It always is there engulfing me, luring me to infinite pain. I try hard to settle it down, hide it below the carpet sometimes or show it a brave face and handle it boldly but there are times when it catches me when my guards are down and I am most weak.
I hope one day its read by from the one for whom it is written. And his muse who is the sole reason for all my pain. They feel the sharp stab of pain, right through their heart but would not be able to undone, what has been done. And live with the burden of the guilt whole life.

But no, I don’t wish them tue pain and hurt, instead I want love and laughter and success for them. I cannot fail my heart like him. I have full respect for my heart’s choice of love. For him I cannot even think of hurt. If he is in pain my pain doubles. So I asked him to go for his choice and live a loving life with her. I know its hard to leave him but If he is happy with her how long can I pretend or hold him back. One day he will leave. It will be my second defeat. So it is batter to mobe aahead instead of being left or thrown out of his life.

May be I am suffering the pain again. My ups have ended and my down has begun. So sharing all my feelings with friends and like mindeds may cure or hold me on the thrash hold of sanity.

I am on my way to be Someone.

I wanted to be someone else but I am becoming someone else. But I am happy for what I am going to be and all because of You, my Love. Without your support it all was a dream. Even before we met actually, you were backing me to be this someone, to get out of my comfy zone and let my wings of butterfly bloom to their fullest.

Than, I didn’t know this is what I will be. My stories, my poems which I wrote in rough note book or old diary will crop up and be visible to the world. The thoughts of bliss, words of curiosity will become the main character.

But You know what? I am very excited to be on this journey of new me. The journey which will give me some meaning and some more thoughts to ponder upon. Then I will be Someone instead of anyone. I will be living my dream, a dream to create charcters and their lives and love and complications and their world.

May be one day, may be, You my love will want to be a part of my world and will feel proud of being mine…but that day…I will say ‘NO’ to You. And you will feel sorry for destroying me in the first place. But because I love you so dearly and deeply I might think and forgive you. But all that is a big ‘IF’ hope everything goes fine and I realise my dream, at least this one.

Three Line Tales, Week 169… The Devil

photo by Peter Gonzalez via Unsplash

Car speeding up on almost empty road said a lot about the person sitting behind the driving wheel and the company she was having. The rain blurred the visibility but inside the presence of the person on the passenger’s seat was more than enough to put her in control of every situation and at the same time she was praying for her life because till few moments ago whom she believed to be her soul mate was actually The Devil himself, on a mission and the truth had to be disclosed upon her now, when she was taking him to meet her parents. Her whole world swung in front of her eyes and she could not do anything about it apart from staring at the sky and thinking that it also felt her pain that it too, cried with her.

First meet.

You sneaked up in my room, my heart missed a beat,

You smiled and I gasped, you threw open your arms and I was in,

While in the que of temple, you called my name and I was all lost,

We walked the length and breadth of the market hand in hand,

You looked in my eyes, promised me a lifetime of togetherness,

I hold your hand tight, widen my eyes to stop pain from pouring,

We smiled like we had eternity in our hands to be together,

You had to go, nothing I could do to stop you though I wanted to,

The moment you started on your journey I turned away to leave,

Not turning behind to wave, I had flood of emotions in my eyes,

This moment still holds my heart and the memory stops my beat.

Tell me how the storyline is.

A young girl dies in an accident and her soul meets the Reaper himself. She is bowledover by his unusual charm. It was not her time so the Reaper sends her back but is himself confused by her behaviour. She says something so heart melting that Heartless Reaper was bound to think about her. He returns to see her when she hangs herself and sees him standing in her room. She embraces him and praises his handsome face and hears the umheard heartbeats. He sents her back scolding and threatening but she keeps showing up. He fimally gives in but for a short while because he realises that it was not natural relation andshe has to go long way. Taking the blame himself he sends her back for the last time, at least he thought so. After a long time she shows up again when he irritatedly asks why the hell did she keeps on dying just to see him, didnt he cleared it was over between them.

So now here I need your help, friends. What should be the ending od the story, a happy one or let the people guessing and close it on asume yourself note?

Please help me out with this. I will be very thankful to you.

What do you see?…Ray of Hope.

A ray of hope amid the darkness of mind and racing thoughts is just like the thunderbolt amid the stormy and thunderous sky. When appear, make great sound but instantly lighten up the sky even for a small while similarly the hope appears and lightens up the mind and mood instantly. Brightening the chances of betterment. At that moment  normal people appear so common infront of the enthusiasm and energy it fills in us. The showers after that are the talent and ability hidden behind the darkness we never chose to overcome us. But one hope is enough to linger on to prove our worth.

Betrayal… a short story

“How could you do this to me?” My throat choked on the words. He stared at the ground silently. “Now what is your decision, are you going to continue in this way or do something to solve the problem?” I asked again but no answer.
I left the room and came to the kitchen, packed lunch for kids and sent them to school. Packed his lunch and left it over the dining table, for him to take.

At 6.00 P.M.” Hello? When will you return, then?” was all I could ask. It was 3.00 A.M. but no sign of him yet. Finally, I dozed off. ‘Ting-Tong’ the doorbell in the early morning sounds so harsh, I came to know today. ” I am sorry, but I went to solve the problem. You wanted it to slove, right?” and he walked past me.

Walking behind him, “How irresponsible you are!” I exclaimed calmly changed into his pyjamas and went to bed, “Wake me up at 6:00, sharp.” After a few seconds, he said ” An hour’s sleep will energize me, for I have an early day today.”

He switched off the night lamp and slept. His soft snores were like the murmur of dead leaves under the feet in the muddy ground. While making coffee I heard his mobile ring 4th time in a row, so, to see who was in such a hurry I looked at his mobile.

‘My Wifey’ the screen glowed and the bold letters stuck in my mind. For a few seconds, I was like, lost, then the reality struck me and the floor beneath my feet trambled, legs shooked, hands shivered. I was paralysed. I could not swallow, my throat was choked and heart was beating in my mouth so loudly that I doubt he could hear it. My mind went blank after this and I dropped dead on the sofa nearby. I could feel something watery rolling down my cheeks.

“Are you not in your senses? I asked you to wake me up at 6:00 sharp but now it’s already half past 7:00” he shouted from the bedroom door. I was looking past him, at the blank point above his head. I was there physically but mentally I didn’t exist. “Your Wifey called”, I said flatly and was surprised to sound so calm when inside me the storm was raising. He went blank, bent on his knees took my face in his palms, and after a long pause, he said ” Let me explain…” “You picked her over me” I stopped him in between and continued, ” Now there is nothing left for me here”. “No, you can not leave me” with teary eyes he came closer to my face and spoke so slowly that it was almost a whisper” I made a mistake, I agree but please try to understand”.

“You broke my heart. You said you will sort out everything and asked for time but…”tears choked my throat once again. He opened his mouth to say something but I kept my palm over his mouth and continued “…You only solved the problem for her. You married her and now expect me to accept her. This is how you solved the problem, making me a cheap choice in comparison to her”. I broke down into uncontrollable sobs. He hugged me tight and cried with me.

“You know I could not leave her in this mess”, he said. “But you can leave me. Right?” I asked amid sobs. “No! of course not. I cannot live without you. You know that better.” Hugging me tight, he said. But was done couldn’t be undone and that was unacceptable too. ” I am sorry but I cannot live like this sharing my husband with another woman. Moreover, I cannot trust you ever again…” took a deep breath and continued ” and a relationship without trust is nothing. It’s easy to say love is bigger than all doubts, but that nagging bug of the doubt… no, the betrayal is not forgivable.” I shrugged off his embrace and stood by the T.V. stand.

“I will keep you always as my first priority. If you think I do something for her then remember I do things especially for you too. Don’t I?” He tried to lure me with his diplomatic convincing. But I was not ready to give in. ” Do you think I am a child that you are using the same method I use to convince our children? Stop it, I am not buying your diplomatic tricks.” With this, I broke into fresh sobs. He moved closer and towered me. He raised his hands to hug me but I jerked saying ” Just leave me alone”, so he put his hands in his pockets and stared at me, I continued “You broke my heart and my faith in you” and moved away. ‘ Band’ the bedroom door thudded loudly.