In search of Comfort…

From past 2 – 3 days I am not my normal self. I thought of working on my memoir but could not do so.

Reason? CORONA ! My hubby is detected moderately Corona positive. And I am not by his side. As I told in my previous blogs that I have come to my brother’s place and I am stuck here in month long lockdown. Even there at my place also it’s lockdown.

Though his treatment is going on at home and he says he is going g fine so I should not bother much and should not rush to him with children, as flight is the place to catch infection and that will be more problematic. Moreover, I won’t be able to go near him so it’s safe that I stay where I am.

Just to lighten up when I tried TV it was all filled with Corona news and all sort of negative information. When I turned to movies, I couldn’t stop thinking about him which again brought the sad reality.

I tried my social apps but of no use. E erywhere I hear about it. Last but not least, I turned back to YouTube and there I tried all my followed channels but of no use. I even tried talk down meditation and self hypnosis but nothing actually helped. Then, I found a channel of a couple who have left their settled life in city and me their home in hills. That channel brought me so much relief that I subscribed them. While searching for more such channels I came across one another guy who is a local Vlogger and till two days back was going through the same problem as mine. Actually, his father was hospitalized due to CORONA. He, too unlike me was searching for something to comfort himself during that period. YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, movies but couldn’t console himself and his work as a vlogger suffered a lot.

But, atleast I got the point that I am not alone who is at unrest and not over reacting. Now, as I understand diverting my interest to something new I may give rest to troubled mind plus one more thing I have found out that mountains are calling me too. Not the commercial areas but the rural or outskirts. The calm and peaceful life made me cry. The serenity of the mountains is so addictive. I don’t know whether I will get to experience that life or not but for now it is calming and comforting my alarmed soul.

I pray for safety of all. Be careful.

Prompt

At the time of dusk it was raining hard. She stood all drenched, looking around helpless; in that unknown place. Eyes swollen with crying and her hands busy in wring the hem of her skirt, just in vain to dry it. When with the strike of thunder her eyes were blinded for few seconds and with the return of visibility she could figure out a human form, coming forward in her direction. All dressed up in black suit, face covered under a black hat, if anything that could be distinguished, was a white collar of his shirt over the collar of his well tailored coat. His way of walking didn’t give the motive, neither his standing posture, as he had come to holt a few feet away from her. He shed the water from his face and the tiny droplets made ripple in the puddle of water gathered on the ground. Still, it was raining hard and thunderbolts were striking. She felt an urge to turn and run away. But her feet refused to carry her further. They were aching from running for past one hour. Above all, she didn’t know the way. She realised water tasted salty on her lips. Rubbing her mouth with the back of her palm, she hesitated to look in stranger’s direction. But, when she somehow gathered courage to look up, he was pulling out something from his behind. In her confusion, she realised, she missed the fact that his one hand was behind his back since he appeared. She trembled with fear and was about to collapse when he bent forward and she saw there was something strange in his hand, not atleast a gun or revolver. So, he certainly not one of those who were hunting her to kill. She released a deep sigh of relief before hitting the ground. Within no time she shook herself up. By this time, he had laid down that thing down and was opening it. Now, she could make out that it was an old rusted green trunk. Her eyes widened in despair. To her horror, she saw a whole staircase going down, in that TRUNK!! What was it. Was she dreaming or mind was playing tricks on her. No, may be she could not handle that much of stress, so her sanity may have given way. Yes, that is the only sensible explanation for what she just saw. While she was struggling with her thoughts, he grunted. Startled girl looked in his direction. He had laid the trunk open and signaled her to enter. Finding her not able to make up her mind, he straightened up and pointed towards her back and again signaled to come in.

A Scene

‘But if only my parents were alive, I would have gone back to them…’ she suppressed a sob to control her tears. ‘…The first time you told me to.’ She gasped for breath and continued, ‘You were not required to repeat time and again.’ She turned away from him to hide her face covered in tears.

He didn’t even bother to listen what she said and was fast asleep, before she completed her sentence in a voice chocked with tears.

The room was dark apart from the dancing shadows of the leaves which made patterns on the jlank wall opposite to the window, the curtains of which were moved away a bit, to let in the corridor light as she was afraid of dark. But, tonight, these dancing leaves’ patterns were scaring her far more than the darkness itself. The silence in the room was more deafening than the raging thoughts in her mind.

A Boho makeover

A Boho makeover

The Shooting Star.

A lovely book by Shivya Nath. These days I am reading her. What impresses me is her language, her choice of words. The way she narrates her travel story, her journey from being a homely Indian Girl to the Global Girl she is now, touches my heart deeply. I tried to put off that book and start working on mine, but there is a little whisper at the back of my mind which lures me back to read it and by the time I realise, I am already deeply immersed in that book of hers. Her style is so expressive that it makes one experience the feelings she is going through. When the adrenalin running through her veins; circulates in yours, you cannot make out.

Through her writing you can feel the cool breeze rubbing your cheeks. The night sky of the places she’s been to comes alive in your memories. Her fear, her confusion and her anxiety all become your personal experience. Her agony, her joy her friends and above all her experience with the people she met through her journey and people on her personal upfront all seem acquainted to you.

I never found any memoir so inspiring and intriguing that made me cry, cry for the life I am missing, the way I wanted to be. This particular book made me realise that I have wasted my half life doing nothing apart from washing laundry, cooking meals and dusting the cob-webs. No, I am not blaming this book about making me cry but praising it to make me accept the small voice of my heart. From past few months I am longing to lead a nomadic life, somewhere deep inside the far off places. The places which are not yet been explored call me. From the age of adolescent, I’ve been touring places. But I now realise that I don’t want to be a tourist. Actually my heart aches for wandering. I want to be a traveller in the real sense and not merely a tourist.

`The Shooting Stars’ engulfs me so much that at the point I am craving for getting back what my soul is searching for. Infect, I want my life to end up soon and I be born as a wander or have the opportunity to lead a free life.

I want to scale the high mountains, run in the valleys, breathe in the fresh air. I want to feel the nature embracing me. I want the sea waves to giggle under my feet, the warm sand and wind slapping against my face. The rain drops drenching me to the core of my soul and quench my thirst.

There is so much that I have not done and it pricks like a thorn in my heart but the time is not over yet. I still am breathing and walking so I have decided to make up for the lost time. May be I cannot climb summits or paraglide but still I can travel to new places and at least try to track some of the mounts. Meet people who are not yet civilised go, deep in the heart of my country. Learn from the nature sleep under the open sky counting My Shooting Stars!

4 Years

Hi all.

I am sooo sooo happy to share that WP has accompanied me for past 4 years and the community here has always supported and shared my life ups and downs. You all have stood like true friends. Advised me, encouraged me and walked along with me in the ups and downs of my life.

This beautiful journey could have not been possible without you all. When ever I fell down you lent you hand and picked me up. The lonely moments were never scared me once I came here. I have laughed with you, felt your pains and forgot mine. Some friends here might be far away geographically but our mindset to fight back and win has kept us connected.

I have found many inspiring personalities, no matter what their age is or how big their filed is, they equally inspire me and motivate me to move on. I am thankful to all of them for being so patient and good people. Some of them, though, now have left touch with WP but still their blogs and their words have deep impact.

If hadn’t join WP, I may have lost a beautiful opportunity to discover a new Me and the power to create a whole new world. It has imparted me in-depth knowledge about writing and introduced me to many strugglers like me, in the field of life and work alike. Thank you to the friends and the WP platform, for letting me know that I am not alone.