Back to dance class.

I am back in dance class after many days. Think months. But still am back. Though it’s hot now a days our here and am going our for summer vacations of children but till then me and children both will have some fresh moments. Coming here literally refreshes me and them out.
It’s like an activity for my mind to relieve the burden off. I just enjoy some me time here and get to see new people who can be characters for my write up. Plus who won’t enjoy the fresh air outside the four walls.
So today there are all new children here apart from my children. My son was feeling shy but his little sister was so enthusiast to enter her zone that she didn’t wait for her brother and just entered and mingled with others.
I hope to continue comming to these classes ignoring the little discomfort of hot weather outside. Plus we, I mean my daughter and me are planning to go for morning walks from tomorrow as my son has school going on. I think there in the garden the cool morning air and new people and new surrounding will give me more inspiration to write, write something new.
Wish me luck that everything goes as planned.

Advertisements

Short horror stories 1

She was standing in front of the mirror , trembling and shaking. Her reflection smiling mercilessly at her.

*************

He kept all his mirrors covered. Fearing his childhood stories to be true, of some soul snatcher comming out of it if you call his name in front of mirror.

One night his friend jokingly removed all the covers from mirrors and in night called the soul wnatcher’s name three times and boom….the lights were off for few seconds and when the light came his friend lay dead in fron of the dressing table and blood dripping out of the mirror’s crack.

***************

Ages ago, he used to sleep in the out house room of an age old mansion. No one ever believed him when he told about his strange encounters. But one thing everybody witnessed every now and then, that he was thrown out of his room into the open with his folding bed atop him. And on checking the room nothing was found, ever.

****************

Whenever she visited her childhood home and stood in front of her bedroom, it used to lure her in and then never let her out without some one’s help and next day she used to suffer from fever.

***************

Life

Life is treating me like a stranger. I dont know how to get out of this situation. It’s strange that I am unknown to myself. The person who grew up and the person whp turned out on growing up are two different people. Its becoming hard day by day to keep abalance between the two, to keep hold on life itself. Everyday I struggle to keep calm. To keep calm in front of my love, my kidos and others, when the tables turn. But don’t know how to get out of this.

I never ever was such a irritating person. But now I am irritating myself. Life has so much to offer but I am not opening up to accept it. How hard I may try but trys are all I do.

Sometimes I hear or see someone elses problems and their struggles with life, for a while I feel blessed but then again my darkness falls on me. I have become like a frog 2ho liv3s in a well and thinos its the whole world. I hate this situation. I want to come out of it, the wrll is a very scary place, it may suffocate me. The darkness down here is very numbing. I am desperate to feel everything again, the way I used to feel. I want to be real me. The originql me. I understand the pain and wait of pupa before it comes out of the cocoon as an enchanting butterfly but the difference here is I don’t know when my cocoon will break.

It is said the night is darkest before the dawn and the turn where we feel enough is enough is where the things take turn. But why can’t anyone tell the time for this long wait which seems infinite.

I lost the one person

I thought I would never loose

And now I am all alone, though

I may not look alone physically

But mentally there is no one in sight

So apt are the words for my present situation. I am too lost that I don’t see any way out. I just hold on to my pen as my rescue. My thoughts wander a lot, but just in my head. My fingers tapping on the keys give the vent to my feelings and thats all I have as my compny.

It’s second for me.

Its my pleasure for the second time that I’ve been awarded the versatile blogger award by my beautiful fellow blogger Squashy Moss. I am still at the begining but here, I am showered by so much appreaciation and faith.

So here come 7 unknown facts about me.

  1. I love watching Hororr movies.
  2. Sometimes I love to try my hand on paintings and crafts.
  3. I am a trained Multimedia Engr.
  4. If it was in my power I would have lived in the world of books and words.
  5. I hate being in kitchen.
  6. Few years back I had a doberman, whose death left such a big space in my life that none other pet is able to fill it.
  7. I am diehard fan of dogs.

The award requires me to nominate few other bloggers so here Ia m with teh list of my nomninations. But believe me it was difficult to choose.

  1. https://ceenphotography.com/
  2. https://gigisrantsandraves.wordpress.com/
  3. https://fatherlyadviceandrants.com/?wref=bif

A turbulent flight journey.

Above the sea, over the mountains in the sky, a flight is going towards its destination.

Inside the plane, passangers sitting tight, the crew, all bolted to their seats, givng some instructions and informations to the passangers, who were out of the seats even after the warning signs and instructions of the pilot as some turbulence was going on.

In the first row on the aisle seat, sitting a gentle man, tall, fair and jovial. He for some reason was looking bit tensed and disturbed. A fellow peppssanger asked him if somethings wrong. It took all his guatfs off and and he broke down. Like child he cried and with hiccups and unconsolable sobs he confined that je was afraid of heights and disnt want to die in an air crash.

Looking at his condition the fellow pessanger first got confused how to react. Seeing such a big man crying like a child, he wanted to laugh but the situation of the flight made him panic, too. And then started a scenerio of chaos. By and by every one in the flight started to get panic. And there was a chain of scene of people breaking down.

Within half an hour of first breakdown, the whole aircraft was on chaos. People crying, shouting, arguing with crew. This whole scene continued for another 15 minutes and when the situation was under control announcementbwas made, came to an abrupt end. And soon the flight landed safely.

Everyone onboard was relieved. The moment the flight doors were open the man who first broke down, jumped up from his seat in a hurry to get down of the plane, as if seats were biting him and the seat belt seemes like a loop which was reaching for his neck.

After comming out, on the geound some one asked him why did he get so scared? He innocently replied that it was first time that he was flying and as he was affaraid of heights, already bolted up fear, got outof control with the turbulence and he started crying as he didn’t want to die of felling from such a height.

A crew memeber who was a witness to the whole scene in the plane laughed and said that how hillarious it all seemed now, that the flight has landed safely after facing the problem. But, he adressed the pessanger that how his unintended childish act had turned the whole thing into such a panic scene. That for once the crew too found it out of their control to hide the fear.
After a while the passanger headed straight towrs the washrooms ns vomited and had one more round of nausea. In the lounge where ussualy passangers wait after exiting, there aligned to the railing of the stairs going down, was a relaxing and massage chair setup the fellow pessanger was seen lying with closed eyes relaxing out his own tenssion.

This how the journey ended.

Haiku

Fishes fishes everywhere in the sea

In the shallow and into the deep

Glittering scales, fins and tails for them to keep

This is haiku on fish, as a school project for my son, i tried my hands on. I dont know what his teacher will say but here it is.

You Tube

I was watching you today. So basically going through most of the recomnded channels I somehow reached some Ted Talks type channel. Hope you all know what I am talking about. So while watching first video I felt I should subs. this one as it seemed promising amd very down to earth type channel so as I subs. it, some more optioms opened up of similar nature. Out of that I again subscribed two or three, and believe me the videos which I chose to see were disheartening bit the courage of the people was so influencing that I, first time in the life wanted to go on stage holding that damn, mic, which always haunts me and I, 2ho is scared of public or even group speaking, wanted to share my experiences with the live audience. But my fear again arose, will I ne able to do so? I don’t know but listening to the speakers amd 2itnessing their courage and livliness, I want to once in my life feel so brave and acknowledge the pain.

The first video was of a girl who first lost touch with her childhood sweetheart then after many yeats reunited and secondly when finally he was about accept her love,she got the most shocking news that he met an accident while he was out to see her parents, and expired. Somehow girl moved on and now is mqrried happily. This one inspired me to listen possitive talks more often thats the reason why I subsd.

The second video from Pacific Poetey channel of a boy who met same kind of fate, dscrined his loss with a smile and a strength on his face that, first thing I questioned myself was that why can’t I speak like him? , why can’t I be so daring and fearfree? And after this video I subsd. that channel too.

Third video was again of the girl from Tape A Tale, channel and thos time the main point of her talk attracted me. This one had touched two strong chords of my whole being. My father and mother. And became the reason why I am posting this. Atleast I can write and share my story here if not on stage in front of live public. This girl described the bond between her and her father somewhat like ours and the main point of hers describes my present thoughts about my mom. If only I had hugged my mom as she used to hug me when I was in need. But I had my little baby crying in my arms and no one else arround to look after him while I could hug her. But what I could do was plant a kiss on her forehead and cup her face in my one palm and assure her that everything will be fine dont worry Maa. After that me, my brother and my son in my arms accompanied her to different hospital for better treatment, it was then other family members joined in. In another hospital she was taken to ICU and we all were askd to sit out. After 1 hour my mom sent a message from in there, that I should be sent home with the baby and come afterwards. I was not ready to do so but looking at my hungry baby I felt helpless was not able to decide whether I should go home or syay back. My aunt(mom’s co sister) and brother forced me to go back. And aunt asked her sister to prepae dinner for me and child food for the baby. From there at 12 am I returned home and was waiting all alone with the baby, for my bro. to call from hospital and tell me everything was all right or atleast one of my cousins come back and take me back to hospital. At round 1.30 am cousin did come but to pick some clothes of my Maa, after he went off, I dozzed off watching tv, waiting for news from hospital, y son sleeping soundlessly beside me. It was hardly half past 2am when I felt door opened and my aunt and others enteted my home and …..thats bit difficult to describe…..I think I am not over it yet. (I took break of 1 a d half hour before I gathered strength to complete this post.) I was still not fully awake when my aunt straight forwadly saod Maa is no more. It was not grabbed by my mind and I was sitting blank on my bed trying to make out why all are hete at this odd hour. Then aunt kept her hand on my shoulder and my father’s sister popped out her head from behind her and at this point of time aunt again repeated that Maa is no more. And they continued to talk about what all has to be done. At this point I came to my senses and realised that they were talking about my Maa. I was so lost and confused that at that odd hour I called up my hubby, who was hospitalised for his sinusitis operation, that too 1000s of miles away from me. And got out of my bed and started cleaning the house and rearranging everything to accommodate every relative in our small home. It took atleast 2 to 3 hours and the in the early hours of the morning they got Maa, home. Her body was kept in a room, and as it was not supposed ro left alone, I was asked to sit there, neside her reading the holy book. In her life I never read or believed in god (which I still dont do) but for her I read and lighted a lamp and incense sticks and stayed there for more than an hour, wishing whole time for her to come to life. Even a slight movement in the cloth covering her body I thought 2hat if she is alive and by mistake doctors have declared her dead. It took a lot of control for me to curb the urge to uncover her face and check for her breath and heartbeats. I wanted to hug her at that time atleast but was not allowed. When zhe was being taken on her last journey, all the family members were allowed to pay their regards and when it was my turn I sat crying at her feet asking elders to let me see her face one last time. My husband pulled me up from there and hugged me tight when they were taking Maa. Normally face is not covered of the body, but her face was deformed so had to cover. So that last chance of seeing her also was lost. After that I turned to my son, fed him, bathed and dressed him and gave him to my mom in law and then started to take care of all the work that had to be performed. Till 3 days same thing continued. My in laws and husband were very strong support. My brother was busy in last rite rituals and all but my father’s both sisters and my two aunts, they stood beside me. My youngest uncle took care of everything related to rituals. The day my mom died I didnt cry on hearing the devastating news but when they took her away that time I cried like anything and was uncontrollable but once she was gone and relatibes and friends startd to pour in I disnt get the chance ro cry even. The moment I wiped my tears till date I didnot cry for her. Not because I am brave but because i am affraid. Tears of many years still welling up inside may not be controlled. Everyone said and still say upon meeting I have great courage and strong heart but no one knows how week I am to confront my pain and loss. And the sharp thorn that pierces is that I could not hug her one last time and was not arround her when she took her last breath. If only I was not forced to go home and if only I was not busy with my little son I would hqve huhged her. I curse myself and my guilt for being busy with my child, kills me for being selfish. I will not forgive myself ever.

My papa and me shared close bond, though I was afraid of him a lot. But he was such a sweetheart that he didn’t gave anyone a chance to worry. He passed away on his office chair, talking and smiling with his colleagues. He was hale and hearty when sudden cardiac arrest took him away. At that rime also I shrieked only once, in the hospital outside the emergency room, where he was taken to, by his office people. After that till now I never cried for him either. But in my heart I always wish what if he is still alive somewhere we are not aware of (he got a post in world bank on behalf of our government. And we’ve been told its somewhat secret and should not be made public). I do hope every now and then that one dy he will call me. (For maa also I strongly feel that she might be still in mumbai hospital waiting for us to come and get her discharged).

My both parents passed away in the gap of exact 7 years, in the same month. They even shared same birthday.

But why I wrote this post is to share with you all that this life is very unpredictable, don’t know what’s waiting on next turn, next step. So enjoy the company of your parents, love them as much as you can. Be there for them when they need you. Dont shrug their urges to come and meet them, their craving to spend sometime with you. Make them the part of your busy life and schedule. Express as much love as you can in all the possible ways. Care for them, understand them. Live with them while they are alive and save yourself from leading your whole remaing life in your thoughts with their memories. Do make memories but smiling ones.

200 is a great number…

I am bery blessed to hbe get the appreciations and encouragement from so many beautiful people. I started my journey without any expectations and used to write just for me, to let out my supressed emotions, raw feelings, pain and once or twice anger. But as the time passed many friends, well wishers joined in and hold hansds in hand to make a great and strong chain of support.

Because of you all good souls today I am what I am. You taught me so many things, and made me remeber few forgotten ones. Showed me new ways and gabe me new ideas. I never thought I will ever write a story, that to a fiction one, but see your encouragement made me do that too and you all have shown love and showered blessings to my raw efforts.

I feel more liable now, in case of writing. Should write rationally and not just rants(though ranys are the major part of my writings and am sorry for that but this blog was started for that). But I now try to write something senseful, to do justice to your faith and believe in my caliber as a writer.

Thanks for being there. To stand by me.

Rail of my thoughts-2

The scars and wounds of love betrayal are so deep that they never heal. They stay there to remind us of our pain amd loss. Loss of love, faith, life and intrest in everything we ever loved.

The pain never goes, it keeps on simmering below the put up smile and made up face. The fake intrest in life makes it more harder to love life. All the lost dreams and bursted desires, ambitions stand aside and keep teasing us making funny faces at our attempts to fake them.

This genrates the broken trust and dysfunctional nelief system. Which ulti ately leabes a person so lonely and irritated that they start building a wall more higher and from this captivity they themselves can never come out. Lonely souls wandering in the sea of people. You don’t have anyone to share your feelings with,no one to wipe tour tears when you cry, but you become so numb that you dont even cry.

People like me have foumd one source of ranting out the whole thing which is on their mind, through writing and expressing whatever bothers them. Maintaining a diary or a journal is like a copy of converstion with people. You tell everything to it, I mean write every feeling’s each word assuming that You are talking to a person and sharing tour thougjts and ideas. Sometimes tearing off or burning of the pages gives even more satisfaction. This trick may not work 100% for everyone but it does slow downs the pace of racing thoughts. Giving you some control ober your life and time to take right decisions to make your life better if not perfect.