Marriage

My story is ocean in a drop, starts 10 years back.

I am married in totally different tradition and culture.

Though it is a love come arranged marriage yet I felt very alienated in the beginning.

I am born in Northern state of U.P. brought up in western state of Rajasthan and married in southern state of Telangana.

So one can easily understand my confusion, but as time passed and I started to understand the language, it all bloomed like a flower in front of me, the southern culture.

Now I can really say that my marriage is a blessing in disguise for it in true sense helped me to experience the unity in diversity.

Now I can say I am truly an Indian, oh yes I forgot to tell my eastern state connection, I have my maternal aunt from W.B. and Bhabi from Bihar. So in this way all the cultures and traditions of India are now familiar to me. And this marriage has given me a chance to explore the southern part of India deeply.

I am blessed to know my country little better from my some family members and lot of friends. I can now truly, proudly say that I am an Indian. This also has fed my literary hunger and enriched my experiences, vocabulary, and depth to my writings.

Hope you like it, my journey across India.

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’ 

 

Advertisements

Komorebi… sunlight filtering through leaves!

In a lush green garden under the shade of a huge tree sit down and feel the warmth of the beautiful sunny day. Let the sunlight fall on your face and kiss you gently. Imagine this sunshine is coming through the net Of branches and leaves. You will feel the golden glowing warmth on the parts where the light is falling and the rest will be quiet. If the light us falling on your eyes imagine your eyeballs changing color from dark brown to almond honey brown and with this feeling let the liquid warmth fill your soul and feel the cool breeze ruffling your hair lightly and magnificent scents of various flowers combined into one, fill your nostrils, take a deep breath and close your eyes, count till and exhale and expect the magic of the hour to begin to take over your senses completely. Slowly you will feel the relaxing of your muscles, changing of your surroundings and feel your presence to be somewhere in more serene, calm and peaceful environment, in some deeper dimension. After spending some time in that place when you come back to your senses you Will find yourself more fresh and completely rejuvenated.

This is for daily prompt Expect

Dead inside.

Nothing is as bad as broken heart. Pain seems to subside but the bleeding continues inside. The hurt no one can see the pain no one can feel, but the one who suffers. Sometimes the scene is so bad when you cannot express your condition and can’t cope with it either, people on the outer front either don’t get what’s going on or they think we are just faking. Some people go to limits where they say shrug off your sadness change your mood and smile it will be OK soon as this all pain and sadness is in your mind. Be strong, have positive thoughts and don’t linger on, on what should be let go off are the nice advices we get, but I wish this could be so easy that by mare a shake of head everything could be  gone, disappear into the thin air.

The moment eyes are closed their voice admitting their act of cheat and everything else is clearly audible. The mind at that time becomes a record player which keeps on playing and re – playing the scenes from the bitter reality. It’s like heart trying to forget and mind refusing to do so. Sleep for us is a way to escape from the brutal reality but there also we find no peace. If only this sleep could turn into a never ending episode,  so there would be no need to wake up and run from all those thoughts of heart ache and pain. All day in wakeful hours what we do is try to keep all those thoughts at bay by indulging in something or the other. But the moment we stop to breathe the same thoughts crop up. All the pain taken to forget goes in vain.

There are times when it seems we are normal, to others of course,  but in actual we are just hiding behind a mask which we have put on, so no one is bothered or try to bother us because some times people do listen to our problem but they do not understand. They just hear but don’t get the point. This hurts more. To fake a smile to hide the tears and escape the bothering

seems far more easy rather than explaining people what we are going through which they actually don’t understand. Those are the times when I really feel dealing with physical pain is far better than dealing with emotional pain.

The mind plays so many games with you that you just can’t bear the situation. There are many times when you want to share your pain or just let your thoughts out but the mind tricks you in such a beautiful way that you are always standing alone still figuring out what to do with the idea of sharing. Basically you are standing on a two way path completely confused not able to make out whether to tell and feel relief or to be quiet and just don’t bother others with your problems as anyhow they won’t understand. You will find yourself always standing on that two way road, not moving an inch here or there. After sometime the opertunity will pass or you yourself feel that now telling anyone of it will be of no use. Again whenever you have something to speak out your mind will confuse you, in other words will not let you speak and then you find yourself standing again on the same point. It seems like you are frozen in time. Heart and mind are on fight continuously. Where heart want to trust mind differs and where mind puts it’s trust heart has its share of disbelief. Not only this but in the lone hours person himself is in war in the lonely dark places of mind. It’s like you’ve been closed and left loose in pitch dark room without any clearity and you are bombarding your head. This happens mostly in the nights when you are alone to yourself and everyone else is asleep. Even if you have the company of your love then also it hardly matters. The moment you close your eyes you are dropped in front of hungry tigers and lions. And then the battle begins, a bloody battle where no blood comes, no scars are visible, but you are totally defeated and worn out the next day when you wake up. It’s the time when you don’t want to wake up, don’t want to do anything, but drag out yourself from the bed every morning. Then the other horror starts when you realise that you still remember every single bit that you wanted to forget and in that fight to forget and remember you forget only what you wanted to remember and remember what you wanted to forget.  This is how the mind and the person keep on fighting for the person they are no more and have no connection either. The heart in this process dies. But it dies a very slow death moment by moment day by day shedding all the hopes like dead leaves from a tree and when none is left there remains a big void a numbness. Nothing else remains. I have heard they say hope is the last thing a person does before they are defeated. And my personal feeling is similar to it, don’t take away someone’s hope they might have only a hope to cling to, for surviving. The moment it’s gone the person becomes a living dead which is more horrible then death itself.

I have come to a conclusion that pretending is far better then explaining. And keeping your pain to yourself is easier. There are times when thought of moving on and letting go comes, but the very moment it comes a cold shiver shakes the whole body and it becomes very hard to do so. But there will be a day when nothing would be able to stop, a day when inner self will be completely dead. No hurt no pain will be left. May the strength be showered upon.

There is so much to say and so much to explore inside hurting self but right now is the time to take a break.

Waiting lounge of dance class.

Again at the dance class, sitting in the waiting lounge, I am thinking what have I to write today so that can be posted tomorrow and should be worthy. Anything that is scribbled down is not worthy of reading. But the mind is not cutting down to one single point which I can talk about. But many topics are just popping up in my head.
While my mind track down to one I choose to observe the other patents in the lounge, waiting for their children. All of them are new faces, the old ones did not turn up as their children have become habituated to the new environment of the class.
These parents mostly are mothers including me. Sitting here is their body, mind is left behind at home, where they have lot of unfinished work to be attended after returning from here. Two or three ladies are continously on phone getting or giving instructions to the ones who are back home. Two ladies are engaged in either you tube or in whatsapp. One of the ladies who is bit on the heavier side is trying to sit quietly but is very agitated. Why? No one except her knows. She is constantly going in and out of the lounge, standing at the door looking out of the window, then coming back to chairs with a fleeting look on every occupants face and finally she goes our of the lounge to peep on her child from the outer window.
One lady who was busy on phone, constantly keeps coming and going out of the lounge in order to not to disturb the others through her calls. Finally she also stayed out, now in the lounge only two of us are left, both busy on our phones too but quietly, not disturbing others. She on her social media and me in writing my experience. The class inside is going on, the song can be heard outside, it’s too loud. A foot taping song. It’s very melodious number, a remixed version of some 25 yrs old song. Another lady has also chosen to stand out and watch her children from the window, a teenager boy has entered the lounge, may be elder brother of one of the children. Now I think it’s time for me too to leave the lounge as my son is dancing and I wanna watch him doing so. Just to encourage him, if in case he needs that.

Chilling goosebumps.

I don’t know why but today above all I want to write about the horror stories. I just love ‘ em. They’re sort of fuel to me. When ever I get disheartened or sad I just want to indulge myself in some kind of horror and forget about the world around me. I love the feel of thrill, the standing of hair to its edge and the unexpected. The darkness, the fear it’s all giving me an adrenal rush. Here I will share couple of so called true incidents…

 

1. Picnic

One day five friends of my brother decided to go for a picnic to a near by fort, a citadel. It’s actually a fort atop of Aravali ranges in Rajasthan. So this place has long stretch of uninhabited area. Moreover it’s far from the modern city, in the vicinity of old town of historic and medical ages.

One of the boys who actually is my brother’s friend, fall ill on the day of picnic, thus missed the trip. So rest of the four boys went on their bikes, double riding. After reaching there they enjoyed the scenic beauty, had something to eat from the restaurant at the place. Danced photographed and then all sat to return. It was 5.00 p.m. When they got down the hill it was nearly half past 5 in the evening and they drove for 2 kms. more when one of them stopped at the road side tea stall, you can find many such stalls there. As he stopped the friends on other bikes also stopped. They then decided to have evening tea and later the change of drivers. So as they were waiting for tea to come after ordering, one of the four boys felt the urgent need to go for loo. As tea stall was on roadside, there was jungle behind it. Up to long distance either jungle or hills in the distance were visible. This boy went to a shed which looked like makeshift arrangement for relieving yourself. While he was using this so called loo, he was able to see the jungle behind the stall.

Suddenly, he saw someone waving at him. He somehow managed to come out decently and rushed towards his friends, who were sipping on their tea, enjoying the cool breeze. This boy hastily kept the cash below his tea cup and ushered his friends towards bikes,asking the tea stall guy to keep the change with him.

On the bike he sat behind his friend allowing him to drive. Only half a kilometre later his other friends started to notice some changes in him. It was growing dark,as in winters the night falls a little early. So the boys continued for a kilometre more and then by 6.30 p.m. They came to halt when they could see the city approaching and the two other boys who were on the second bike came to this boy and three of them asked him what was wrong and why was he behaving so weird.  He in a ladylike voice replied, pointing to a boy standing next him,” I wanted to possess you but he, pointing to himself, saw me first so I took him.” The boys were so scared that were not able to decide what to do. Then the one who was driving the bike with the possessed boy, said “We cannot leave him alone. I have an idea,the famous ancient temple of “Kala Hanuman” is nearly 2 or 3 kms. from here, let’s take him there.” So on one bike three of them sat with this boy in middle, the one behind hold him tightly as he was shivering and the fourth one drove alone.

At the temple assisting him, they took him inside. There he stopped shivering and fell asleep. The priest there tied a black enchanted thread to his right upper arm and then the friends returned home safely.

That boy suffered from fever for few days but nothing more, he only told what he saw in the jungle to his friends the next day.

My brother’s friend said he was lucky not to be there that day as he is  affraid of these things.

I don’t know how much spine chilling or real it sounds to you but recollecting the incident I feel chills, though I don’t believe but still it’s spooky. And yes the boy in question is perfectly all right now.

 

2. Motor bike incident.

My brother and his brother- in- law put up a stall in life style exhibitions in the month of October. It’s not their livelihood but just for an experience.       They have divided the timings, so each of them can adjust accordingly. In the morning my brother’s family looks after the stall,then in the afternoon his brother- in -law’s family. At evening they all to-gather wind up the stall and have dinner there itself and return.

One day after tea his brother in law came unannounced, in-case they need help for setting up the stall as it was very messy the previous night. That day sometime after half past noon his brother- in -law said he would go and return after 5 in the evening with his wife. As he turned to go, he saw a perfume bottle on the corner, sandal. He asked my brother about it and then sprayed over him and left. Within half an hour he returned.

His face flushed and confused. He sat on the chair and drank water, offered by his sister. Then told his story. After spraying the perfume when he left for his home, he must have gone a kilometre or two, and came across a cross road. After crossing that, he felt some feather like touch on his right shoulder, so he turned and saw nothing behind. The sunlight was scorching hard and there was nothing to be seen. Then he saw something flattering in the side mirror of his bike. It was a corner of a saree, an Indian drape, visible clearly in it. But when he looked behind again there was nothing. He just turned his bike from there and raced back to the venue. The moment he crossed back the cross road he felt secure and safe as there was nothing visible I  the mirror too. In the evening my brother, his wife and his brother in law, went to-gather to home, locking the bike behind.

That summer when I went to see my brother, I picked up a perfume bottle from his wall to wall wooden book reckon and was about to spray when I asked him where he got this from? Seeing it in my hand he said use it on your own risk as it is the same perfume I told you about over the phone, and started laughing. Though I don’t believe in all this story stuff but then I have small children to look after so didn’t take the risk of finding out.

I don’t know how far it frightens you but it gave me goose bumps to hold the spirit attracting perfume bottle.

Suppressed Feelings…Vented.

Love, from so many days I am thinking to talk to you, but then my mind says no I shouldn’t. But today I finally took you out to open my heart to. You are the best friend one can have because all the dark secrets and hearty desires, lovely nothings, mumblings of heart and rambles of mind all are poured down on your white page and they stay there for ages, locked up, not being hinted to anyone.
I have so many thoughts ranging from my personal feelings to social causes, all running down at once to be written down and spoken of but I will pick carefully a thought a day to discuss with you my dearest friend. And today I choose different behaviours in a relationship.
Though love and faith is the base of every kind of relationship but sometimes it becomes unavoidable to have fights in it. It doesn’t mean love evaporates or the faith dies but it shows how strong the relationship is, to stand that difference,instead.
There are long shut up or down periods but they erase as smoothly as they arise. Every time after these differences when patch up is done the relationship grows strong. To me it seems as if it’s an elastic which you stress as much you want, it will be stretched but won’t break. In my opinion the fight between two people in a relation is for themselves. They just seem to disagree for a moment but don’t differ as two people have different point of view on same point but they will agree sooner or later as they look in the same direction. Love for me is not only holding hands and looking into eyes but it can be having different opinions on same point still holding hands and looking in same direction with a look of understanding and satisfaction that even you don’t agree with each other, none of you is going to let go of the other’s hand. Like a bird returning to its nest in the evening you will come back to your nest.
Most of the fights occur out of fear of loosing, jealousy(of love) or feeling of complexion. But it is never for supremacy, it’s just an act of timid love being scared. Some times people tend to misunderstand it for over possessiveness and commit big mistakes which are unrepairable. Still the relationships which stand even those hardships of unrepairable mistakes and come out with flying colors, are meant to be forever.
when you are fighting for love, you need to remember, you have to be prepared for many twists and turns, in hope to win. Bow down if required, bend or even break but never give up the fight for love which keeps kindling underneath your chest even though you are fighting. Because that is the soul reason you are fighting for.
Trust me in the end if you keep trust, love returns and the relationship grows strong. So fights in a relation are healthy in a way.

The Cure for Writer’s Block!

Mitch Teemley

Writers blockWriter’s Block

 There are two primary definitions for the word block:

  1. An obstacle to be avoided
  2. An object to be used (as in construction)

The cure for Writers Block (and its evil twin, Trouble Getting Started) is to abandon definition #1 and embrace definition #2. But before one can do that, it is necessary to understand what writer’s block is and what it’s not:

Writers Block is not about being unable towrite. People who do not have the luxury of waiting to feel inspired (journalists, staff writers) know that being unable to write, short of a serious medical condition such as coma* or death, doesn’t really happen. Why? Because writing is simply putting thoughts into words. If you have thoughts (and can read), you can write.

The real issue is fear of being unable to write well, which amounts to the fear of not being able…

View original post 517 more words

Street Photography Quick Tip (1)

Streets of Nuremberg

Travel Choices Travel Choices | Munich | 2016

Street Photography Quick Tip 1 – A way to shoot inconspicuously

Motivated by the very positive feedback to the start of my series “Instant Inspiration” (links at the end of this post) I want to launch another regular series – the Street Photography Quick Tips. Some short, easy to read and easy to use tips that I think could help you while shooting in the streets. The first edition of “Street Photography Quick Tips” is about shooting inconspicuously. If you want to find out how, continue reading after the jump….

View original post 224 more words