A twisted tale.

A true story with little bit changes.

They decided to meet far from their respective homes. He agreed because he wanted to test the girl and see if she is worth him or not. She came to see her love at least once. She was not sure of seeing him again and he had no thought of meeting her again.
On seeing her for the first time he still had no thought of deep feelings. She in her first meet decided that he is going to be the one and only for her no matter what?
It took two and a half years for them to convince their respective families to agree for their marriage. It was like a hell broke out in their families. His family was adamant for this relation, reason being they were from two different zones. Totally opposite, like north and south. AT her home it was more difficult to convince as she was the liability of her mother and younger brother. Everyone else in the relation were eager to point out their fingers. She disclosed her decision to marry the boy of her choice or else would stay unmarried.At last her mother agreed to talk to the boy once before saying ok to the relation.
Mother: “You and my daughter are in long distance relation and want to make it permanent, but before that I want to ask you something.”
Boy : ” Go ahead.”
Mother: “You are thinking for present but five years from now when you people will age a little you might find her unattractive or may get bored of her, then what?”
Boy : “No. I made up my mind and there won’t be any such thing. be assured on from my side.”
One fine day, two years after they met, a date was finalized for families to meet.Girl’s mother, brother and two uncles and the girl went to meet the boys family. The boy and the girl had planned out everything. Everything was going good but as they say, one doesn’t get everything so easily;the boy’s family refused. The girl was heart broken.She tried to convince the boy for the last time.
Girl : “ Love, I will see what I can do to re convince my mother and uncles but please do take care of yours.”
Boy : “Don’t Worry about them. Just ask your people to act according to my family’s demand and I will see if they show over smartness this time, I will abduct you and marry against their will.”
It was a long procedure to make the family to agree but determination and adamant nature of the girl melted her mother.
Mother : “Your father left me alone to fight against all the odds of life. If only he was alive matters would have been different.”
With this she cried and stayed quiet for few days but eventually gave in, for the sake of her daughter’s happiness. Daughter was happy and ignorant of her mother’s pain. How hard she must have felt for going against her decision and to face all the criticism and talks of the family and relatives. Meanwhile, the boys parents were adamant to not to give in. But to his rescue his grand parents came in. They convinced everyone and the marriage took place.
Later the mother in law told the girl how much pain and backbiting she had gone through but for the sake of her son she accepted her. First few years went smoothly then as every marriage has, they had some quarrels but made up every time. Girl was the one to say sorry every time and take the brunt of the heated situation. Still, everything was sailing smooth. But the girl saw the boy with another girls and had a doubt.
Girl : ” Are you in other relationship?”
Boy : ” have you gone nuts? Where these thoughts come from?”
Girl : ” Its just that I’ve seen you with others and people we know, are talking about you and them.”
Boy : ” Either you shut your bloody mouth up or get lost.”
These fights grew and their doubts deepened. It was not that she doubted in vein. There was a fire which led to the smoke. The boy hit the girl many times in these quarrels which by now have became fights. Three major occasions when the boy hit her for other girls. One day he threw plate on her face, but realized his mistake and said sorry. All she forgave and thought to start new afresh. Then one day she got a call from an unknown number, where some one told her that her husband was cheating on her. She could not believe herself.
Girl : ” Someone called and threatened me to publicize your name and that you won’t get work. What’s all this? who could it be?”
Boy : ” Don’t take it seriously. In my field I have many competitors.”
Everything was forgotten. Life sailed as smooth as it could. One year later, she again got a call and this time it was not to her but to her father in law. Which by chance she picked up.
Caller : ” Check his bag. Proof.”
Before she could ask anything, the phone hanged.There was no one home that day. She went to her husband’s study and looked for his bag. A thought crept up in her mind that may be the person on the phone is right, because from past one and a half year the boy was not allowing her to touch his phone. Even changed the password also. Her hands trembled and the scene in front of her swing around. She some how managed herself and with her heart thudding in her throat, ready to jump out at the given moment reached for the bag.With hands shivering now like there was something wrong with her, she opened the bag. There was a red envelope addressed to him. Sender had drawn a heart in place of sender’s name. It fell down from her trembling hands. She had no guts to open it. She then looked for some more proofs. Her breathing became uneven and she felt uneasy. There were some more letters addressed to him. The sender mentioned her name as his wife. The depth of love from both sides showed how cheap her feelings were. Her sacrifice for him was forgotten so easily. The gifts exchanged were kept with so much care while the gifts she gave were no where to be seen in house. For everything he had an excuse.
She knew this time also he will make a stupid one. That day they were to go for his parents anniversary party. As he was not home, she called him.
Girl : ” I am not coming with you to the party.”
Boy : ” What has happened? You sound so dull and rude.”
She hung up the phone and went to pack her luggage. He Came home early than expected. He tried to talk but she was quiet. Then he saw his bag lying open in the study and understood what has gone wrong. He tried to talk but she refused.
Girl : ” Now I know why you were saying that you are bored from me. And wanted me to leave.“ Paused.” You should have told me straight away. There was no need for the scene to be created.”
Boy : ” You are making an issue of such a little matter.”
Girl : ” Little issue?! Have you not married her secretly?”
Boy : silent.
Girl : ” I will go back to mother and you can be happy with her.”
Boy : silent.
Girl : ” Why are you silent? say Say something. Tell me its all a joke.”
Boy : ” No.”
Girl : ” Leave her then.”
Boy : ” That is impossible. I can.t leave her nor I can live without you.”
This took a shape of an ugly fight. She was mentally and emotionally more hurt then physically. He was blaming her for what ever had happened. He told her that it was her who pushed him towards other girl by trying to control him. Telling him not to ditch her. And that she want to be his soul mate.
Boy : ” I made a huge mistake in marrying you.”
Girl : ” I’m sorry, marrying me is a huge hassle.”
Boy : ”Can you go somewhere else and be stupid?”
Girl : ” You are just one insult away from starting a war.”
Boy : ” Are you insane?”
Girl : ” I know! Isn’t it great?”
Boy : ” I regret lot of things. This conversation is on the top of the list.”
Girl : ” I trusted you.”
Boy : ” Well then, you can’t blame me, can you? It was your mistake.”
Girl : ” Now that I made it weird, I will make my exit.”
The love between them which bloomed irrespective of the distance between their cities now decayed. The reason he may give any but she knew in her heart that her mom said was right. Exact five years later her dream had crumbled down of which she came to know after three years. SHe reminded him of just one thing he once said during the courtship, that what if she got bored of seeing his face daily? only the difference is that it was him who got bored. Waving him her last good bye was harder then she thought. Tears in eyes which refused to fall down in front of him, lips quivered, voice was choked in throat. She never thought it will end like this.

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Social Anxiety

I am trying to fight myself. You may wonder, what the heck does that mean? So, before you call me crazy, I’ll clear your doubts. Actually, I suffer from social anxiety. It is like a childhood friend to me. It never left me alone. Never let me wander in the company of other children for long and being social, is an unfulfilled dream.
I missed out on so many things during my growing years. I wanted to do so much but could not pursue. Now when I see young children doing what once I wanted to do or dreamt of doing, I feel at loss. Now sometimes I think, what if I had ignored the feeling and carried on with what I wanted to do? I could have learnt something I love. DId so many things which I regret not doing, now.
Even still one year back, I missed upon enjoying the parties and the merrymaking. But this year it was something different. On the First of Jan. something happened which changed a lot of things for me. First is, I got the approval from publishers, then everything fell in place. Secondly, I am getting a lot of support from my husband. And what is giving me high, is that I learned dance moves and that too without feeling shy for a party. Then performed without hesitation. In fact,I was waiting for my chance. I didn’t feel shy. The audience didn’t give me jitters; I saw and felt only my husband and his company.
I feel now I can do some of the things I missed earlier. Recently, my daughter joined a dance class; and I think I can learn too. There is a gym, in the same building I can join that also. Or join some new class. I want to start driving the car again. And have joined some online writing clubs which hold meetups. I look forward to them and the library meetups, where I can learn something new and talk whatever I have in my mind. This is a totally new experience for me. It’s like I want to spread my colourful wings and explore the world around me.
My social anxiety does exist because I have a feeling that my mind tells me something else then what my heart wants. But I am trying to show a brave face, this time. I still have to face the part where I have to meet my relatives, strangers and have to stay a night away from my home. Attending some family function is the deadliest dream. Ordering something over the phone or talking to hotel reception or room service, going to a salon kills me. I feel anxious while talking over the phone in front of my hubby. Still, have to conquer these. I don’t know, I mean I don’t want it to happen or maybe my mind tells me to wish for this. Whatever at present I want to enjoy the moment I am in.
I wish this feeling to stay on. Even if I have to put on a mask to feel that way I would do it.

In Love

It was a beautiful day, bright sunny, cool breeze. I was sitting in my portico, having coffee. Besides me, on the side table, my little friend was sleeping in his cage. I have a white as snow baby rabbit who has red eyes. I thought it was a casual nap for him but started to worry as his normal time was over long ago but he did not wake-up. I opened his cage to see what was wrong. My heart thudding loud. As I touched, he wriggled. I took a breath, took him in arms and went inside. I laid him on a small carpet, particularly kept for him. Rabbit took a round of the room very slowly. It came back to the carpet and sniffed the green grass and carrot pieces I kept for him. I thought he was fine now.
I left to get ready for office. I dressed up in blue denim and a white tee, wore my sneakers as it was Friday and most MNCs allow casuals. Took my bag and car keys. I skipped my breakfast as I was late. I rode on high speed to reach office. Though I was still worried about my rabbit, yet hoped everything would be fine back home. I swiped ID card at the entry. ” Hey, you look tensed,” Reena asked from the reception. ” Who me? No, everything’s fine” I replied. I went through the day’s schedule and was done with most of it by lunch. I had no breakfast so was hungry. I hogged upon my lunch as if was starved for days. Stuffed my mouth with dessert and in last drank a cup of coffee. One hour later I was back at my seat. Staring at the screen I sat there but my mind was still at home, captured at the moment when I hold my little friend in my hands. I could not carry on like this any longer. So, asked for a half day off on the basis of not feeling well.
As I neared home my heart sank. It was kind of gut feeling but I hoped against all the odds for everything to be all right. The moment I entered home, I first looked for my `pal.’ He was lying in the exact place where I left him in the morning. My heart sank. I had no strength in my legs to move forward neither had a will to do so. I was about to drop dead in my place when I saw a little movement in his tiny body. I ran towards him. The moment I touched him, his eyes opened wide. He looked at me with pleading eyes to save him. The pain and suffering in his eyes broke me. I felt so helpless and worthless in that one moment.

“Thud!” Sound from the kitchen. I gave a startled look. Got up holding my pal in arms and moved towards the kitchen. What I found there was heart stopping. There was someone in black hooded gown facing electric kettle, placed on the kitchenette platform. I was stunned to see scythe placed against the fridge. In horror, I released a sigh. On the sound person turned and what I saw was breathtaking. A beautiful, innocent and charming girl. ” Hi!” she said in a calm and easy way. “Hello. Who are you? and what are you doing in my kitchen?” I asked in one breath. “Oh that,” she paused and then continued “I came here for your little `Pal’ and pointed towards my rabbit sleeping in my arms. She offered me a cup of coffee which she made. “Don’t you think it’s a bit horrifying that you The Grim Reaper, made coffee in my kitchen and offered me a cup?” I asked in horror. “Don’t freak out, please.” Her sweet and calm voice echoed.” What will it cost to get him free, from your claws?” I offered her. The green eyes became darker than any black eye I had ever seen. She said, “Stop pleading.” I gathered strength, went near her, hold her free hand and looked deep into her eyes and said ” Will you be mine…Oh! Oh, I mean apart from rabbit I have no one and I need someone to lend me moral support.” She stared me with wide open eyes. Her beautiful eyes became more beautiful. She looked confused, then said “Ok. I will leave your friend but stop looking at me like this.” “Still I want you to be my friend.” Shocked at my own words, I released her hand and inched away from her. She kept the coffee mug on the table, picked her scythe and thumped it hard on the floor. “BOOM!” And she was gone.
I checked up on my little pal, he looked fine. I gave him some carrot pieces to eat. Came back to the portico and sat on the chair looking on the road. But my thoughts were occupied by The Grim Reaper. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. My heart beat like it was in a marathon. I remembered that she came here for my rabbit but returned empty handed. ” What if she returned the moment I came out?” I thought. I went back in, to find him jumping around like usual. I kept some ready to eat a meal in the microwave, for dinner. Ate it alone as usual. Sat in front of the T.V. to watch finals of T-20. There was a sudden thud in the backyard., I took the kitchen back door to let me out. I was amazed at first but then sad to find her back. I was determined not to give in. She went to the rabbit and I followed her. “No! You can’t take him.” I told her. It is known that if The Reaper is seen by someone, it’s not whose turn, The Reaper has to fulfil the wish of the person.” Ask for something else. This can’t be done.” She said. I was lost in her tinkling voice. She started to move to my little friend. “Oh-Oh! wait. I said you can’t take him or take me first.” I told her. ” No. Not even in your dreams.” She replied. ” Fine, then say you are breaking your own law.” With a broad grin on my face, I said. She moved away from the rabbit, put her scythe aside, sat on the ground, buried her face in her knees and for five minutes she sat like that. Then stood up and paced in the room, came near me, went back to the kitchen made coffee for the second time in the day but this time two mugs. Came out offered me one and sipped from another. “It cannot happen.” Finally, she said. Then continued to enjoy her coffee. “Well, then be mine.” I finally broke the silence. She looked at me in horror. The first time The Grim Reaper felt what fear was. I moved closer and took her hand. She was as cold as ice, for the first time she trembled and took a step back. I felt an urge to hug her forgetting who she was. ” Shall we…” she swallowed hard and continued ” make the last attempt?” ” No this is the final one.” I made it plain and added, ” It’s okay, you don’t have to love me.” She stared me in confusion. ” Be mine forever. As for love, I will love you till eternity and have faith in miracles.” I moved closer and lifted her hand to my lips and placed a peck on the back of her palm. That was the first time I saw her lifeless eyes shine for the first time for a few seconds. I moved even closer and placed my other hand at the back of her head and pulled her head gently towards me and rested it on my chest. My heart was beating like crazy. She tried to adjust her head in a more comfortable way. I slowly pulled her hood down. And her black silky curls fall down around her neck. She looked more beautiful. I gasped at her beauty. She sighed and moved back turning her face away.
” I never thought in my wildest dream that The Reaper will be a girl and I will lose my heart to her,”I said and again reached out for her hand and pulled her back to me. This time I hugged her gently then released her and waited for her answer. She took a little longer than expected. ” Won’t you have a problem with who I am and what I do? Because this is my Reality.” Now it was my turn to evaluate my feelings and digging my mind for about a few minutes,” NO, actually I love the fact who you are and what you do. She sighed in relief and traced her steps back to me. Encircled her arms around me, looked into my eyes and said, ” I can’t guarantee love now or ever but a good loyal friend, yes.” ” We have a lifetime, at least mine if not yours, to wait for your love. And I will wait with the whole heart and open arms.” I assured her. She smiled and left.
I went to bed with thoughts of her and the eternal love I’ll have. Next day I had to meet a friend from college days. Gave some carrot pieces and grass to rabbit and wrote a note for her saying to be gentle with my little friend, if in case she decides to break in my home in my absence. I poured some milk and cereals in a bowl, a glass of juice and some cookies for myself. I was going through newspaper when something caught my attention. I had a cookie in my hand and there was something written on it, which I didn’t see before. I looked at the box of cookie in case it was any other brand. But no it was same, so I checked for other cookies on my plate and they all had something written on them. When I placed them together, it formed a message” See you in the evening.” from her.

My book is available online now.

Hi everyone.

I actually want to shout loudly, like crazy at this moment as my book is finally online. It is published. Like actually published. From past three years I’ve been working on it and you all are witness of my growth. Today is the day for which I prayed and you all blessed me.

Here I am sharing the links…if any one is generois enough to provide me with the review…or any sort of interaction I would love it.

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B07S4BY8TB?ref=myi_title_dp

Fighting With My Inner Demons

https://www.shopclues.com/fighting-with-my-inner-demons-146143933.html

My book”s poster

I am so happy to share my books poster with you all. Very soon my dream wil be in my hands in the form of a book. Its because of you all out there who supported me, encouraged me and gave me courage to go ahead. Now I am here with all your blessings and wishes.

It took so much time and strength to go ahead with this project. So many times I broke down in this journey till this poster was released yester day. I don’t know how I will react when I really have the book in my hand but counting on you to be my side.

Thanks to all you beautiful souls ourt there.

Work in progress

These days I am at my brother’s place. Came for summer vaccations. I am enjoying my days here. Nothing much to do, infact nothing. Everything is taken care of by my sister in law and brother.

This gives me a lot of time to read and work upon my new idea. Even collection of new things for my writer’s book. I take time to write something everyday, even if its a single para or charcter development or back story. Sometimes it is for the next scene in the story. It makes writing little faster.

Developing the story from those notes and back stories and hints is interesting. I am loving it. I miss my books here as couldn’t get them due to luggage weight issue but still the online library facility provided by my library, is filling the gap.

I thought of writing a short story in the series of romancing the reaper or the devil. But I am not able to do so, it has developed into good seven chapters and still on, I am getting freaked out.

My story is about The devil falling for a girl and not realising it. Even the girl doesn’t know who he really is. The catch is, The Devil sells his soul to her and loses a bet to her. Rest is in continuation.

I hope it finishes soon so I can share it with you all.

Cover design…isn’t it soooo apt.

Hi to all my well wishers amd friends. Today I am here to share my happiness with you all. This is my first books cover page. Hope you all like it.

This is my first step towards my dream. I know there is a long way to go but I couldnot stop myself from sharing my happiness with tou all. This is small step but very important one. This is what I had in my mind and the designers have beautifully depicted it. This goes with the title and the contant the book has.

Its a great feeling and you all can understand the excitement I feel. Please bless my journey and be there to support and show me the way.

Romancing The Devil.

These days I am obssesed with devil himself. I mean, I am writing devil’secret crush story. He came to take away someone’s soul and finds an innocent girl and makes a deal with the person. There will be a time when The Devil himself will sell his soul to Her. Ending is cooking up in my mind lets see how it turns up.

Before this one, I wrote a short story on a girl’s crush over The Soul Reaper. I am thinking what will be nrxt in this line, after the present story is finished.

But this is for sure that it also will be a sweet romantic one. My mind is running here and there for other topics but I tell it to slow down and first finsih the ome in hand.

The story is shaping up good. I am waiting for the first draft to finish. So that I can do the editing. I am in love with the story. It feels like its a part of my life. But when I put the pen down I feel lost for a while. It takes some time to absorb the reality. Believe me I am happy writing it, so it is turning into a novella instead of short story.

If everything goes well I will share with you all. But beforw that I would like to share a good news with my WP family members. My first non fiction self help book on fighting with my mental illness is on its way to be published. Hope you all will shower your blessings on it the way you do on me.

Love you all. Bye for now . Catch you soon.

Reaching out for help.

I have loved you since ages. I don’t even remember what birth it is, when I have come seeking you. I found you but not your heart. It belonged to someone who was not present earlier but came into scene much later then I came into your life.

Sometimes I think why me? What wrong had I done, that I got this pain. Love was my ultimate retreat but now I am confused about my own reactions concerning love. I am toatlly empty and dried up. No emotions swell up in my bossom anymore.

When you say something pretty or sweet, it sounds mare words without feelings and emotions. Rhe other day when you uttered sweet nothings meant only for me to hear but my mind told me that these are just hollow words, in my absence you will go to her and say same sweet things but with more depth to her.

May be all your words have deep feelings for her. You crave for her from deepest core of your heart. And this fills me with a sense of guilt, a guilt that doeanot let me have a single moment of peace. Chaos, is all I find arround me.

Why I am feeling like this again, you might think but this feeling never left me. It always is there engulfing me, luring me to infinite pain. I try hard to settle it down, hide it below the carpet sometimes or show it a brave face and handle it boldly but there are times when it catches me when my guards are down and I am most weak.
I hope one day its read by from the one for whom it is written. And his muse who is the sole reason for all my pain. They feel the sharp stab of pain, right through their heart but would not be able to undone, what has been done. And live with the burden of the guilt whole life.

But no, I don’t wish them tue pain and hurt, instead I want love and laughter and success for them. I cannot fail my heart like him. I have full respect for my heart’s choice of love. For him I cannot even think of hurt. If he is in pain my pain doubles. So I asked him to go for his choice and live a loving life with her. I know its hard to leave him but If he is happy with her how long can I pretend or hold him back. One day he will leave. It will be my second defeat. So it is batter to mobe aahead instead of being left or thrown out of his life.

May be I am suffering the pain again. My ups have ended and my down has begun. So sharing all my feelings with friends and like mindeds may cure or hold me on the thrash hold of sanity.

Reaching out for help.

I have loved you since ages. I don’t even remember what birth it is, when I have come seeking you. I found you but not your heart. It belonged to someone who was not present earlier but came into scene much later then I came into your life.

Sometimes I think why me? What wrong had I done, that I got this pain. Love was my ultimate retreat but now I am confused about my own reactions concerning love. I am toatlly empty and dried up. No emotions swell up in my bossom anymore.

When you say something pretty or sweet, it sounds mare words without feelings and emotions. Rhe other day when you uttered sweet nothings meant only for me to hear but my mind told me that these are just hollow words, in my absence you will go to her and say same sweet things but with more depth to her.

May be all your words have deep feelings for her. You crave for her from deepest core of your heart. And this fills me with a sense of guilt, a guilt that doeanot let me have a single moment of peace. Chaos, is all I find arround me.

Why I am feeling like this again, you might think but this feeling never left me. It always is there engulfing me, luring me to infinite pain. I try hard to settle it down, hide it below the carpet sometimes or show it a brave face and handle it boldly but there are times when it catches me when my guards are down and I am most weak.
I hope one day its read by from the one for whom it is written. And his muse who is the sole reason for all my pain. They feel the sharp stab of pain, right through their heart but would not be able to undone, what has been done. And live with the burden of the guilt whole life.

But no, I don’t wish them tue pain and hurt, instead I want love and laughter and success for them. I cannot fail my heart like him. I have full respect for my heart’s choice of love. For him I cannot even think of hurt. If he is in pain my pain doubles. So I asked him to go for his choice and live a loving life with her. I know its hard to leave him but If he is happy with her how long can I pretend or hold him back. One day he will leave. It will be my second defeat. So it is batter to mobe aahead instead of being left or thrown out of his life.

May be I am suffering the pain again. My ups have ended and my down has begun. So sharing all my feelings with friends and like mindeds may cure or hold me on the thrash hold of sanity.