All the memories I gathered
Leave some imprints in mind
The deeds I did, the love I got
All stored up in mind
The hate I felt, the pain I hid
Stored up in mind
The battles with the darkness,
The joy of meeting the lighy, all in mind
The loss I suffered, the gain I enjoyed
Life teachings in mind
The sarrow and the laughter, the tears and the smiles
The setbacks and the success all make footprints of mind
….never to leave me behind!
My faith knows no fear
‘Coz my belief is in that Almighty
Before You oh, Lord! I bow my head.
It was 11:00 A.M. when Rehana entered The Central Library as usual. Selected her books from the racks and came back to the reading area.
She looked for a space to sit down. Her usual seat by the window that overlooked the lawn was taken.
She finally settled in a chair empty near the central table. She started to take down her notes and was so engrossed in it that forgot to take her regular breaks. When she got up to leave, she felt a bit breathless and dizzy.
She did not notice that an elderly person was noticing her since the beginning. While Rehana dragged herself out of the building into the lawn, to sit down to take long breaths to ease herself, the grandfatherly figure came out to have his evening tea, in the cafeteria near the lawn. He found her on the verge of passing out.
He got her some water and asked her how she was feeling. ” I am asthmatic and long hours of exertion make me breathless” was Rehana managed to say after sipping some water. The elderly man took out an inhaler from his pocket and offered it to her, ” Here take it. You will feel better”. Rehana looked at him and then at the inhaler and looked away.
“Don’t misunderstand me, I am just an old grandpa trying to help her granddaughter,” he said smilingly.” I am noticing you from the day you joined the library. You remind me of my granddaughter, whom I lost a few months back”. He further continued with tearful eyes ” She too was an asthmatic and that fateful day she left us because…” he trailed off. ” Because what?” Rehana asked inhaling the puff. “….My eyes are blurred from her memories”. After a pause, he continued “…She used to sit at the same spot where you sit…by the window”. He gulped hard on the tear-filled throat… a long pause then he looked at her face and smiled sadly. He continued, ” She had an asthmatic attack that day and no one was there to help her…E-V-E-R-Y One was watching her die”. And he broke into sobs. Rehana was stable by now. She went near the person and kept her palm on his shoulder ” Grandpa, I am sorry to doubt you.” He looked up in silence,
” I must leave now”. He swallowed hard once again and muttered to himself ” To also I will miss my supper”. Started to walk with heavy feet. Rehana stopped him and asked, ” Why do you miss your supper?” ” Since I have joined this library, I have no track of time but these old age home people do not understand anyone’s pain.” The words made tears roll down her cheeks. ” Grandpa, daily you come here to feel closer to your granddaughter? Such an affectionate grandpa you are”, she said with a warm smile on her lips and tears in her eyes.
I fell in long distance love relationship. We never met. So I didn’t know anything about him apart from what he had told.
In the begining it was like normal friendship but time took its turn and the friendship changed into love.
Once he asked me to meet and I planned a trip to the place he asked me to come.
It was so exciting and thrilling to plan such a thing. Never ever in my dream, I thought I would be doing such a thing.
Finally, we met. It was like hundreds of trains and jet fighters passed by me and my heart throbbed like hell. I was nervous and happy at the same time.
I did not want the moment to pass. For me, it was a prayer being heard and my wish granted. The whole day we spent talking and listening to each other’s future plans and dreams. In the evening we sat on the steps holding hands.
I don’t know about him but I had lived a whole life with him in those moments. When the time came to part, I was shattered and cried like hell because I thought dreams never come true repeatedly. I feared that I will never see him again.
I am afraid, if we didn’t part then we could not have married after a year and a half later.
I believed my love for him so much that I knew he cannot lie to me about his personal life, ever.
Though my family was initially against the idea of our marriage then they gave in.
In my younger days I was an optimist and a dreamer but now its like the other me, one which is still a child hoping for the best for her dreams and thinks that holding and lingering on to your hopes little longer might work magic. So according to that little me the benefits of being optimistic are:-
A week or so ago, I was going through my pinterest account where in my writing prompt board a found an idea and ainve then it got stuck in my mind. From day one I am thinking about it,what and how ro write. Finally wrote down few lines yeaterday and told my son. After few hours, was searching the web again for some reference when I found that what I am writing about is a serious and rare disease in reality. Its called bilingual aphisa which affects the Broca, situated in the front lobe of the brain and is equally divided into the languages spoken by a person.
When further researching about it, I found only 6 or 7 people are affeted by it. Watching their videos I felt one might feel excited to speak anorher language fluently without taking pains, but for them who forgot how to return to their normal tone and mother tongue, accent is the trouble and suffering is beyond explaination. Their pain, hurt and loneliness was seen in their eyes and painful smiles. One od them is a little girl who has to take help of a translator to talk to her parents, similarly a young man has to try again to learn his mother tongue. Two of them have completely forgotten their original identity.
Since I have seen those vodeos, I am so moved and my mind has stuck. I can’t get it out of thoughts. Though I am not an experienced writer but how earnestly I wont to show their agony and pain in my story. Their situation is like to struck back in a nightmare or sweet dream which turned into ghoulish situation after somedays.
All are not that unlucky, and have recovered partially or touched the boundary of hell and returned. But these are very few in number.
My prayers and wishes go to all of them.
Street lined with trees.
Early morning driving from there transported me to a jungle, that just had recieved rain. The smell of fresh air laden with damp trees and fallen leaves. Wet soil giving its earthy smell.
Wow! That was an experience. It was completed by the chirping of birds and cricket in the trees.
Experince of pure nature amid the urban area.
Hi all my WP family memebrs….I am too excited and overhelmed to share a news with you that couldnot stop myself from writing this post first, keeping my work aside.
Just now I recieved a mail from Olumpia publishers that they have gone through my synopsis and sample chapter of the book titled’ Fighting My Inner Devils’ and want my manuscript for further evaluation.
I dont know what is next but for now I am very happy that atleast I have finished one goal out of three. I already shared with you all friends out there that I am writing a book on, how I deal with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks, so this book of mine has started off its joureney and took its first step towards its final destinqtion.
I thank you all with my heart and feel deepest gratitude towards you, that you supported me, encouraged me and corrected me wherever neccessary. Please pray for it to passout with glowing colors. I need them the most. And with all your blessings and well wishes I know it can happen.
Thanks again for all the support and for standing by me.
He asked for her permission to borrow a kiss. Promising that he will return it.
One fine evening she was sitting under a blossom tree, when he came and this time stole a kiss. She was annoyed by the act but before she could react, he was gone. The whole night she kept on thinking about the incident. At midnight she got a message from him, saying, he will return the kiss he had stolen.
Next day and another day and the day after another day she waited for him under the blossom tree, but he did not return. So she went to the place where he asked for borrowing. But he did not appear there also. She became sad day by day, remembering him. Night and day only one thing came to her mind, his act of stolen kiss.
One night she slept remembering his promise to return her kiss. That night she dreamt of the boy, asking her, why was she sad? When she told him that she was expecting her stolen kiss back, the boy became dull for a second then with a smile he said that he would return her kiss the very next evening under the same blossom tree where he stole it.
Next evening again she went there and waited for him. She sat under the tree and closed her eyes and thought about him. She felt a familiar sensation near her face and opened her eyes. But there was no one to be seen. She felt strange and again closed her eyes. This time she felt a little pressure of soft and moist lips on her forehead. Slowly she opened her eyes and saw him bending over her. Looking into her eyes he smiled with twinkling eyes.
She asked him that where was he from past one week? But he didn’t answer and kept looking lovingly at her sweet and small face. She again asked him and this time he pointed towards a small church across the road, whose pathway was laden with blossoms, roses, jasmines and green grass on the ground. She looked in the direction and gave a quizzical look.
They sat there with hands in hands without speaking another word, for hours. She got up to leave and turned to him saying that she will come again tomorrow at the same time and same place. He relieved a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. And before she could turn to go, he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss on the back of her palm. She said bye to him and went her way. After walking half way from the spot, she turned back and looked at him, who was, at this time standing at the church gate.
That night she could not sleep properly. Whole night she thought of him and his sweet smile. Next day she went to the church but could not find him. That evening she went to the church again and this time dared to ask the father about the boy. To her amazement, father took her to the back of the church where the garden was more beautiful than the front one. Here trees were covered with climbers falling down like curtains of natural leaves, bushes were laden with beautiful flowers and grass was lush green. The scent in the air was very sweet. In between all this was hidden a graveyard and in this graveyard there was a beautiful white marble grave, freshly made. Father took her in front of it and gave her a paper.
In the paper it was written that till I don’t return your kiss I wont be able to sleep peacefully. With trembling hands she crumbled the paper and kept it in her pocket. And with tearful eyes staring at his grave stood there for a long time.
She scolded herself for being so impatient for the return of her kiss that he had to come back from beyond the life. She kissed the grave stone and promised to meet him in the eternity to be by his side, as she loved his thought so much. She wiped her cheeks and felt comfort knowing that now at least he must be at peace that he has returned what he had stolen.
What is love? A feeling or an expression. Is it a pleasure or a pressure to the soul. Answer to all these questions vary from person to person. In my opinion its a feeling that can be expressed or vice versa. It is a pleasureable pressure to the soul.
If it is true it can give you immense pleasure upto the limit where it starts to hurt. The depth of it is the cause of pressure, because wone feel liable. True love is also the cause of becoming free, free to be yourself, free of all worries. It is not about possession but appreciation. Its the acceptance of lover as a person as a whole and there is no trial of changing the person as it denotes the half acceptance which is not true love.
To feel the pleasure of love one must be ready for the vulnerability of heart. Love is supposed to be the cure of all worries. But it is said that excess of anything is painful, so is true for love also. As when one person loves unaccountably and is not loved back accordingly, the hurt is beyond explaination. Your feelings are taken forgranted, for you it might be a matter of choice and not desire. To choose to love by will is thoughtful and heartfelt decision. You choose pain over pleasure because there is no love without pain and that pain gives you happiness.
There is no perfectionism in real love but one imperfect person who is perfect for the other. It is the feeling of unconditional commitment, a judgement and a promise. it is a power given to other person to destroy you and when they do, you still love them with whole of your heart, no mattter how much it pains. You always look upto the ways to hold on and stay. Knowing that you may be ignored or taken for a ride. You still love to care for them and even a slightest the slightest thought of sepration kills you. You do become a foolto smile when they actually laugh at you. You only desire for their happiness. The decision to love them never changes even though they betray. Because I believe thoroughly that Love is the beauty of soul, which grows within.
No matter how much I am in pain I derive pleasure in the state of love I am in. Even the pressure that I am going through is not sufficient to make me leave Him. For me true love is pleasure in giving myself to the person I choose, to give away my world.
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Give me apathy or . . . Eh that'll do.
My expressions 