Returning Pain.

Sometimes the pain is there. It should not be but it comes smiling and registers it’s presence. Every time I fight with it I think I have conquered it and made myself immune to it, now onwards I won’t be hurting. But every time it returns with deeper reach within and I first react like a bucket of cold water has been poured over me. Afresh from every experience I just loose myself a bit every time. May be there will be a day when I would disappear. I heartily wish for that day’s early arrival. It’s too difficult to live without your true self. Nothing’s worst then knowing that you are not actually who you are behaving like. Sometimes I feel no I wish he should realise this pain in me of me being alienated from myself. But for him it’s for good that I have changed. But still I hope for him to realise at least once, I know it won’t make me, me, but at least it would allow to face the situation with little ease knowing that there is a heart who understands my problem.

Write For Yourself

The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch

As of this very moment, I have too much to say. If I start, most probably I’ll end up writing ten thousand words (Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with those many) just to say all that I want to say in this very moment. Now you, my dear readers, might ask how I have so much to write when many of you struggle with penning even few hundred words on paper.

13th July 2017. That is the date that’ll always be remembered by me as the day my life changed. I have personally never liked the term change. I’d rather label it as impact. The day that had the greatest impact on my life. It was the day I started my blog, “Sketches by Nitesh.” This is a retrospection on seventy-three days of blogging. Seventy-three days and two hundred and one blog posts. Damn, that is…

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Cappuccino on flight.

Again just after one month, Iam in flight back to my brother’s place, for my children’s summer breaks.

As you all know I am a coffee buff, here also when I saw its on the menu, couldn’t stop myself from ordering one. The taste is awesome and its served piping hot. To tell you that why I am writing this post because that Iam ordering it for the first time on flight.

The combination of three things is deadly. Oh! You may think what three things then I must clear myself here that my love for coffe is first thing, finding it here onboard is second thing and the joy of meeting my brother and his family is third thing. Thus the combination is giving me high. The relaxation I am deriving from it is unexplainable. The aroma of coffee,and the scene out of the flight window…that is something requires admiration. In the crystal blue sky, white cottony wool clouds floating like little boats in the wide sea give me the feel that I am out there in the sky sitting on one of the soft cloud and sipping my hot cappuccino, looking arround the vast endless blue, which surrounds me and engulfs me into a deep serenity. This is filling my heart with calmness.

I wish this feeling to continue as it is making me forget all the worries and relxing my mind so much that I want to close my eyes and loose myself but doing so will make me doze off which means I will miss the chance to enjoy the beauty and wont be able to give the first hand description of what I am feeling and enjoying.

A mug of coffee can do so much. It boosts my spirit, gives my imagination a push, uplifts my mood and doubles the joy of the moment.

I love coffee, I really do and wont get bored of it anytime. Even the meremention of it makes me crave for a cuppa. Then rest is taken care of by its magic. Even the aroma of coffee is so magical that it carries me to places, gives me thoughts, even words and stories are inspired by it. I can go on writing about coffee or something imspired by it, but in half an hour flight is about to land soIhave to come out of my imagination and finish off my coffee and get ready to land.

State of mind.

Thought to ask you a question but then I have asked you the same question so many times. And every time you have given me the answer, but different each time.
And sometimes I am so lost and confused that I question my own existence. It’s like asking self that do I exist, even for myself or just a mirage..?
It’s like my brain banging itself on the skull bones and getting tired of being hurt uselessly without any clue to answers to my questions, it rests for some time and again it starts asking the same old questions to self and banging itself on not getting the answers.
It’s an ongoing process I think, it won’t ever stop, not even in my grave. Is it so, that I am not destined to get the answer. If so then please life have mercy on me and let me hold the eternal friend’s hand.



Among everything  priceless the most priceless is trust. Its really hard to earn and once it’s broken it’s impossible to earn back. So once you get someone’s trust it’s a biggest morale duty of ours to keep it. Similarly when we trust someone it’s their duty to be trust worthy and keep the environment and the air around them clear and healthy so that our trust is not broken.
If it happens, mark my words, living is like hell. Breach of trust in any walk of life is unforgivable sin. Even if you forgive you won’t forget and the pain won’t let you be at peace. Sometimes so happens that you cannot do anything about the trust breaker but sit quiet and sulk in pain. No matter how hard you try, the trust once gone won’t come back and sometimes both parties regret in vain. Pay with your life or take their life or keep vengeance for a lifetime but nothing matters. Only a void space is felt in your heart. Your belief system turns upside down, leaving you at the deepest darkest  pit from where you cannot come out. So much fun, so much joy, current to live life, so much is lost and that happiness cannot be purchased back with whatever You are ready to pay.

That is the reason I feel trust is the only priceless thing that exists in the world.

What is depression?

When you are sitting with your friends joking and laughing your heart out but then suddenly in the fraction of a second you realise that you have everyone to laugh with, enjoy with But there is no one not a single person to share your pain with or who can understand you or what you are going through and then in the next moment you are hiding your tears and the voice which has muffled because you are crying internally. That to me is pain and the height of sadness which looms over you for life long and dooms you in depression. 

May be to some extent it might be cured but it won’t leave. It’s there to stay and keep nagging you from time to time that I am there, like your bestie because there is no one else other than me for you. From peop