From past 2 – 3 days I am not my normal self. I thought of working on my memoir but could not do so.
Reason? CORONA ! My hubby is detected moderately Corona positive. And I am not by his side. As I told in my previous blogs that I have come to my brother’s place and I am stuck here in month long lockdown. Even there at my place also it’s lockdown.
Though his treatment is going on at home and he says he is going g fine so I should not bother much and should not rush to him with children, as flight is the place to catch infection and that will be more problematic. Moreover, I won’t be able to go near him so it’s safe that I stay where I am.
Just to lighten up when I tried TV it was all filled with Corona news and all sort of negative information. When I turned to movies, I couldn’t stop thinking about him which again brought the sad reality.
I tried my social apps but of no use. E erywhere I hear about it. Last but not least, I turned back to YouTube and there I tried all my followed channels but of no use. I even tried talk down meditation and self hypnosis but nothing actually helped. Then, I found a channel of a couple who have left their settled life in city and me their home in hills. That channel brought me so much relief that I subscribed them. While searching for more such channels I came across one another guy who is a local Vlogger and till two days back was going through the same problem as mine. Actually, his father was hospitalized due to CORONA. He, too unlike me was searching for something to comfort himself during that period. YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, movies but couldn’t console himself and his work as a vlogger suffered a lot.
But, atleast I got the point that I am not alone who is at unrest and not over reacting. Now, as I understand diverting my interest to something new I may give rest to troubled mind plus one more thing I have found out that mountains are calling me too. Not the commercial areas but the rural or outskirts. The calm and peaceful life made me cry. The serenity of the mountains is so addictive. I don’t know whether I will get to experience that life or not but for now it is calming and comforting my alarmed soul.
Papa was posted out of home town after ten years for the first time. We accompanied him. He was very particular about everything so that we don’t have to face any problem regarding anything. From house to school and house help. Because it was the first time for us to be separated from our big joint family, and maa had to maintain the household all by herself.
Back at home, there were many people to help in house hold work and take care of me and my younger brother. Here it was all to be done by maa and papa without any help. But, as I mentipned papa was particular about making arrangements of home and house help we got a beautiful home and the house helps were provided by his office. So, now only problem left was our school. That too was solved soon but he was still worried about me that how will I manage in school all by myself. As, back at home I was accompanied by my cousins and sibling and here I had to attend school alone, all by myself and that too at such a tender age of 12.
Papa was so much worried about me that one day he came over to my school to just pay me a visit and confirm that I was doing well. He saw me sitting all alone in the quiet corner of the playground area(as it was recess time) and went straight to principal’s office. I was then called. This made me nervous as I couldn’t understand what mistake I made. On the way to her office, my legs were shaking and there were cramps in stomach. In her office, when I saw papa, sitting very serious, I felt afraid and confused and couldn’t understand what have I done so bad that they had to call papa. I wanted to run away but papa noticed saw me and my teary eyes and face as pale as dry grass. I stopped dead at the door. He arose from the chair and walked towards me. My heart was beating in my mouth, as fast as express train. He came near me and lifted his hand, placed on my head and asked why did I sat alone in a corner? We were given extra time after recess was over to talk. He looked at me and asked if everything was okay? But now I know and deeply believe that he came there to make sure for himself that I was safe and doing well.
One another such day, I was suffering from stomach flue but couldn’t take leave from school as exams were coming near. At school, classes started after Zero period in which we had some physical activities. From the ground I saw Papa pacing up and down the corridor in front of our class and Principal was standing along with him. She signaled me to comeover. When I reached them, Papa was already at the top of the small flight of stairs. He asked about my stomach ache and gave me some syrup. He even made sure that I will go straight to the class and take rest. Then he said to principal that if required she should call him. After he left, she said that I was one lucky girl to have him around and that he cared so much about his li’l princess. He came all the way just to make sure that I am OK. He was one worried parent who loved his daughter so much.
Though thirty-four years have passed, I cannot forget what my principal said about him, ever. Those words are engraved in my heart so deep that they will never ever fade.
I always remember Papa with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. His loss is something I can never cope with. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am writing a memoir about him but fighting a turmoil of emotions to complete. This post is one small example of it, which I planned weeks back but had no courage to start and when started, completed today but posting it without any re-reads or corrections. Hope I am forgiven for that.
I was thinking to a write a memoir from a long time but was not able to start. The reason was that I couldn’t decide upon the topic. I am not a big personality nor a known figure, so, at a point gave up the idea. As who would like to read my memoir but then a point striked in my mind. It is, basically a theme for my photo album, about my father.
The time spent with a loving father, who is no more to guide you, is the most cherished treasure for any child. That said, I chose to write a memoir about him. Anyone can relate to the emotion, easily.
So, I planned two-three subtopics along that main idea. And started working upon them. Recently, wrote outlines for the first few chapters. But, I felt the need to break from writing the memoir. Because, the memories are overwhelming and I cannot take it in one go. So, just to find the support and comfort, I turned to you people, who are my strength and supporters in times of breakdown.
The memoir is called, ‘ Remembering father, through the eyes of a daughter.’ Hope you understand what I meant by saying ‘overwhelming’. I have to go down the memory lane to fetch the most minute details. Every time, I come out of the dream world when Papa was alive, I get hit by the harsh truth of his demise, long ago. This makes me emotionally robbed once again.
These are the times when I need him by my side, the most. I understand that whatever your age may be, but your first comforting shoulder is of your father. In any trouble, you look upto him for support. And today I am feeling lonely. In his absence I am all lost. The feeling of emptiness engulf
These days BUJO is a hap thing. But for me it never worked. As I am a person of many words. I love to elaborate my feelings. So, normal Journaling is what I prefer.
It doesn’t mean I never use BUJO. I do and it comes handy in planning my writing, of any kind.
My Writing Planner
In here, go many things related to my writing schedule. From blog writing to book writing to scheduling their posting and when to write what. In it I plan for my social media presence ( which are very few) and about my reading plan also. I also plan the check list, a week ahead.
.point wise plan .day wise detailing
Each last week of the month is dedicated to some other activities for which I don’t get the time in the first three weeks of the month. Like Monday is for lesser known historical facts, Tuesday for podcasts, Wednesday for thoughts, Thursday is a gap, Friday is for preparing videos, Saturday for character sketch, scene development, etc.
My Blog’s weekly Check List
In it goes the one week in advance planning related to my blog. Such as, emails to be mailed, social media posts, blog posts for the coming week, Vlog and Podcast content and planning for engagement with fellow bloggers and writers.
I have made a page for keys so that I can track the development if my ongoing work.
May be your writing Planner is different from mine. I would love to know what else you all include in your writing Planner and is it a, Bujo or descriptive.
I am sorry for being so irregular. Actually, this past month was very confusing and lost. Turmoil is the word that describes best my mental condition from last couple of months. I start something and eventhough I put my best of interest in it, I can not continue.
I just keep it aside and sit lost and exhausted. Month of January, I assigned to reading and in 2 weeks were ok. I complete 3 1/2 books but after that the concentration started wandering. I am able to complete hardly 2 books in past months.
Whenever, I sit down to write there is something which I cannot describe and it doesn’t let me continue more than one day at maximum. I am bit tensed.
So, I have decided to take a leave of my present surrounding and go to my brother’s place for 2 months and leave all my tensions and worries here. May be it will give me some time to write and read.
The people we choose to let into our lives leave one of the greatest impacts on our hearts. Kenzoku “眷族” is a Japanese word that loosely translates to ‘family’. However, it suggests a deeper meaning: the deepest connection of friendship. It is camaraderie, the family we choose for ourselves. The other day I was marveling over […]
Coffee and heaven is synonymous, atleast for me. It is one sure shot medicine for all my problems and illnesses and even mood swings. The moment it came into my hand it changed the whole environment.
Now, for being absent from the picture for a long time. There is lot of turmoil going on in my personal life. There is so much confusion and because of that so much anxiety and irritation. So much anger that got point of vent in form of self hurt.
Few days back I came across a situation where I could finally, makeout that how the people committing suicide get courage to do so and after all what do they think in the decision making moment. And believe me its really frightening. That numbness doesn’t want anything else but just the way to engulf the life.
Actually, I was planning to write some other post few days back. In totally different mood. About my WIP and one small achievement of mine but sudden turn of luck brought me here, to this post.
I will surely share my happy mood post soon but today somehow gathered courage to write it down and share with you all. It makes me feel lighter and better. Above all, I feel surrounded by many warriors and their support.
I am glad, that you all keep tugging even though sometimes I am not around.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to write about a brave lady whom I admire since my childhood. Not me alone but there are thousands of others who admire her same like me. Her service was not alone to a single person, family or a group but in a way to the whole nation. Though she never thought in this way.
In olden days, in Rajputana the royal princes were not fed by their mothers but their nannies, that too by ladies of a particular community. So this lady I am talking about was named Panna Dhai and was in the service of the then king of Mewar Rana Sangram Singh or fondly known as Rana Sanga the ferocious warrior of his times. Panna was the nanny of his youngest son Udai. Panna had a son of Udai`s age so she used to feed both like a mother.
Rana Sanga was poisoned. After him there was a lot of havoc in the lives of his sons and second wife. Along with them Panna dhai had to travel leaving behind her family. Affter Some time Udai`s mother also died and his elder brother who was made ruler of Mewar was killedand the conspirer was looking for little udai.
When Panna came to know about this, she swapped her son by little prince and when the murder came she showed him her son. Murder stabbed the sleeping boy in front of his mother. But the brave lady made her heart strong and didn’t let even a sigh escape out. She didnt even flinched. They say, she had become the goddess of sacrifice. It is because of her sacrifice for the sake of loyalty, without expecting anything in return her service to the state is considered of highest nature. Its because of her Udai Singh survived to get back his kingdom and we got the legendry king Maharana Pratap.
For many of you it might sound a fictional story but no, she was in actual. My land has given such many bravve ladies who never thought of self but kept the publice welfare and mother land, first.
Now she is worshipped and highly respected. Even the government has created a museum in her memory. And her story is taught in schools. Hope you would all like to know more about her.
just peeked in to share that I`ve recently become a pet parent once again after 13 years. Believe me, the experience is as thrilling as ever.
I have named it Coffee Bean and he is two month Siberian Husky pup. I am just in love with him and his naughty activities. This guy is as stubborn as his elder brother, always wanting to do their things their own way. But its amazing to see them playing together though my daughter is bit scared yet loves him a lot.