Inspiring Thought 2

How to face your failures and break the fears.

When you are on the verge of giving up or hide behind your fear of failure, just remember why you started. For this you have to have a clear aim and a dream to die for. This will make you fight for success, no matter if initially you fail. You need to learn from your experiences. So that you don’t make same mistake again and again. Every new trial will take you one step ahead.

Dont be overconfident thinking that you cannot fail that when it happens you are lost! But same time you should neither be low esteemed and be afraid of failing but just be sure to give your 200% to whatever you do, with open heart. So that in any case you are benefitted. Only open attitude towards achieving your goals and dreams can take you forward and not the fear of failure. That’s the reason you should be not afraid of failure but of the fear of failure. What I think is that by R&D method you develop originality.

Fears keep you away from your heartiest desires and that can be the reason enough to not to fear failure. Don’t abandon your trials, be sincere and be happy. To conquer your fears you must get working instead of sitting and thinking about it. One more way to face failure is to take it as a step towards change because if you don’t learn you keep committing the same mistake. In fact failure should be used as a stepping stone towards success. Start thinking it as a way not a hinderance.

Always remember that fears are drawbacks and they limit our happiness. Learn to enjoy the process and let them be your inspiration.Be courageous enough not to stop.Be determined to succeed and don’t give up, no matter how long it takes, keep thriving, Failures bring you on the right path otherwise how would you know which direction to go?

Face your failures with dignity and courage.

 

The mystery blogger award

I am so thrilled at the moment as I am nominated for such a lovely award. I am so thankful to Beckie of BeckiesMentalMess.wordpress.com for nominating me. This was a lovely surprise from you first thing in the morning, dear. You made my day. Thanks once again.

So what’s the mystery behind this award? Here, I’ll tell you what? “Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers ho find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion.

~ Okoto Enigma ~

So this is it.

Now comes the rules part, they are

Thank whoever nominated you and include the link to their blog.
Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
Answer the questions from the person who nominated you.
Nominate 10-20 bloggers you feel deserve the award.
Ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice with one weird or funny one.
Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.

Three things about me….

I am a sucker for horror genre in any field.

I love dogs.

I love spending summers with my brother and his family.

Answers to Beckie’s questions.

What is your favorite season of the year, and why?

My favourite season is winter. Because I just love everyrhing about it. All the merry making, the food and all.

Do you have any hobbies, and if you so what are they and when did you start doing them?

I have 3 hobbies and they are Reading, travelling and listening to songs with beautiful lyrics. And I am into them since I was young child.

If you had superpowers, what would they be?

I just want one superpower if iys possible, to control time and if not time travelling at least.

Do you believe in prayer and hope?

Hmmmm…nope. Prayers never answered and hope I lost couple of years back.

If you were on your deathbed, would you share your deepest darkest secret with someone, or go to the grave with it?

Would love to go to grave with it. Atleast I need sometime pass there.

AND MY NOMINEES ARE

Longdistancerunner

Denise Laura Baker

Pradita Chronicles

Rethinking life

Victor Eshameh

Cee

Kvivekhyd

Amoma’sview

SM, Beautiful thoughts

Restless Roots

My Questions To them Are :

1 What’s your dream that keeps you awake?

2 Who is your friend in need?

3 Which Is the movie you saw last?

4 If you could, to which planet you’d go for vacations?

5 Your worst nightmare?

 

Just a thought.

The people who love you the way they do, are very rare to find. True love is not rare but is becoming extinct. I read somewhere that true love is always better then first love. So when you find such a love, grab no I say fill  your soul to its full content even more. You don’t know when in life you get so lucky or the chance to experience it. No question of next life arises  because no one knows that what’s going  to happen in next moment, hour, day, month or year so be smart and enjoy the quality of love you are getting.

Don’t act fool by ditching or hurting the emotions of your loved one. Later when you realize your mistake, there will be no other chance to apologize. Then except crying over the misdeed nothing is left.

Inspiring thought

Failure is an important step of development. Don’t be afraid of failure.

Be honest to yourself and never let anyone influence or distract you from your goal. Backbiting is the nature of people but don’t waste your energy on them. You know your worth and capability. You know who you are.

You should give yourself a priority only then others will give you importance. Work hard to achieve your goals and when you realize them and are shining with pride, do not close the doors to success instead share you path with others so that they can also feel the same way, Share your success and the path you took with everyone. When others succeed and look happy you will feel satisfied and content, which is a bonus and the real meaning of being successful.

Keep learning> Something new is always an addition to what we have. Open mind is a good receptor for new and useful ideas, so keep your mind open always, observe everything deeply, have a curious eye, zeal to learn something new. Take some risks and don’t make lame excuses.

There should be continuity in your work. It is said even the water becomes stagnant when its still, air in a closed place become stagnant and instead of giving life it becomes poisonous and suffocating. So to improve the quality of our work and to grow, continuity should be maintained. Freshness of the new ideas and hard work with determination will take you very far.

Thrilled.

Thesedays I am in ‘Pink City’ Jaipur. My daughter is going for clasicaal dance classes here too, thoufh short term course. Here the timings are same, 5 to 6 pm. The class is in basement so I have to weight outside if I wish to, that is on the ground floor.

Sometimes I see a lady here, who comes to drop and pick her daughter, just like me. I never talk to strangers but one evening the lifht went off while I went to drop my daughter, so was waiting for her to let me know whether there is class or not, when the same lady came smiling to me and stopped infront of my scooter, so had to ask her, ‘ what?’ Then she started talking about every topic from jer daughter’s dance class joining to how her relations are with her family. No I am not saying that she was just another talktive pwrson omplaining about family and all, that too to a total stranger, but she was sharing her problem with me. A well educated at2d lady who actually worked as a college lecturer, now full time mother who was denied to work onve married. So at length she said that her in laws were not letting her go to her parents place, which is in anothee city. And I just suggested her to make her decision and let them know instead of asking for their permission. After that day, I met her two days later,i.e yesterday.

Sh3 was so happy I mean her face was glowing and her eyes were beaming with happiness. She came running to me when I went to pick my daughter, and holding my hands she started thanking me. She was so ezcited that first 5 minutes she couldn’t say anything but smiled and giggled. After restoring her breath, she managed to say,’where were you, so many days? Why didn’t we met earlier?’ Then she revealed that taking my suggestion seriously, she kept on thinking whole night and the next morning informed about her decision to her family. To me she said that I was the first person who knows that her tickets were confirmed and that she is leaving on a particular date. She didnt tell this to her husband also. She was so happy taking her own decision and finalising it that now onwards sje wanted to cary this carefree attitude, in every walk of her life. She even felt sorry that we will be in touch for few days. She asked for my number so that we can be in touch even when I rerurn back to my place.

This experience was so thrilling, I mean someone getting so much happiness from just talking to me, totally a new thing for me. This reminds me of one more incident, occured few days prior ro this one. In a parlor, the lady attendant who was giving me pedicure, suuddenly startd shari g her painful experiences at home, with me. And gave her number saying if and whenever I require any service I can call her. She too said that she felt very light hearted after talking to me.

I don’t know what to make out of this but it gave me immense pleasure. And to be true, thrill and excitement. Just felt like sharing so did. If anyone can throw some light over this then please do.

My realization.

Dreams are for being realized. No matter what problems come in your way, don’t get disheartened and act in haste or irrational way. Taking decision at once may result in own loss, not anyone else. At least I have learnt this recently. Rethinking with cool mind may give you new ways out to reach your goal. May be it will take some more time, some more patience and hard work. But believe me it will happen whether with someone’s help or you alone will do it. SO be ready and get prepared to walk alone if time demands. Keep sticking to your dreams, breath them and live them. This is the only way to realize them.

Waiting to see you all on the other side of the land where the grass is green, sky is blue and life is beautiful.

Pretending that I am brave and I can do anything I have in my hands is pretty much easy than fighting with my own mind. I know all my interests and likings are gone but to try and start doing something is far more easy than being alone in the greys of my mood and staring back at the blankness.

I just picked up my pen and camera. I am trying to fill in the colors in my black and white photos. Behind the scene, the real story is disheartening and soul snatching. I am sorry to say but this is the fact of my condition right now. Many a times a thought of ending everything comes to my mind and I am afraid of it. I love my children so much that I can’t even dare to think so. Thus keeping my children in mind I have decided to fight…and believe me writing has helped me a lot.

Some liberties I got and rest I took. And because of it I know there are many like me and there is no shame in opening about the condition. I know my mental illness is not going to leave me but I know it can be controlled. This fact has helped me a lot and all this I found out here on the net, by writing and reading a lot about sufferers like me. Some of their stories made me cry some of them made me strong. Today with all your support and zest for love for my children I am again trying my level best to fight back.

For me every color of life has been washed away with the betrayal of my love but I am trying to rekindle my interest in everything. So that I can let it(the pain) go and be happy. I want to be happy because I am suffocating down here, in the cage of my thoughts. They don’t let me come up, as I try to climb, they pull me down. So after writing, I am picking up one more interest to rekindle…that is Camera. I will take my trail to survive, to next level. I don’t like to give up neither I like to fail. So will keep trying.

I believe that your investments (in any walk of life) never go in vain. Its degree of your faith that gets you the returns in many folds or even loss. So with my fingers crossed and heart in my work, I am starting my new you tube channel, hoping that it will take me one more step closer to my dreams coming true.

Then I wish to speak. I mean when I was studying and we had some program in school I was so afraid of acting or debating on stage. And group discussions were nightmares. But once in grade 8 I was asked to read a school report in front of everyone present as I started the mic went off but in my tension to finish the report I continued to read it loudly so that everyone can listen. I was surprised to know that I was appreciated for that. This incident gave mea boost so one more time and that was the last time I spoke publically, for the class project I had to explain my model. Everyone listened attentively thus my teacher said I had the talent of Gap. So this I want to try in next level.

These all are my tools to fight with my depression.  For anxiety I have to master the mind game tools. I am trying meditation, yoga and other mind calming tools. I don’t have mastered the techniques yet but I know it will pay me in the long run. As for panic attacks and sleep paralysis and hallucinations I am searching. If anybody knows something to deal with these two please leave the remedy in my comment section.

I believe every human being has the right to be happy, this is the reason I have no grudge against my hubby and his muse. If they are happy that way let them be. I am happy loving him. As I said universe is very powerful, it will look into the matter and will accordingly justify. So, being happy is what I am destined to be. Thus regaining my true happiness is I am aiming right now. In the eyes of my children I want to be a good mother so that later in their lives they don’t feel bad about me and our relationship. I want them to smile whenever they see me and give me tight hugs. Their sweet chatters and their naughtiness driving me crazy, are what I want to enjoy. I want to feel everything. I want to feel pain, I want to feel love and all this is true happiness for me. For this I am trying my level best to cope with what I  am going through.

I don’t know what I am writing but today just wanted to share my inner feelings with you all and ask for some other ways to tackle this. Hope you will understand and give me suggestions.

My story

I am going to narrate you all today a story which has left me stunned and speechless. It has shaken my belief system. I am at loss of what to believe and what not to.
But not taking you much time I will start my story. I reach my office everyday travelling through metro train and then walking the last 10 minutes through a busy street and then reach my office.
I know there is nothing new or different in what I said above, but what if I told you there was something weird started happening with me from last 2 months? Something of which I came to know only 10 days back. In other words I discovered it late.
This street which I walk through is full of small but decorative shops. With shining glasses and an attendant smiling at the doorstep. Some days later I noticed that only one shop had an attendant in front of it. The shop owners normally attracted the customers for rest of the shops. Occasionally they had help hired in any festive season. This fact made me notice the particular shop, often because it was not any festive season nor any particular time of the month, which called for celebration.
Many days passed in this way. Me getting curious about the shop and it’s attendant and him following me through his eyes, till I reach the office building.
Once I was crossing the market while returning from office. It was 5.30 p.m. In the evening when I crossed the shop and this time I don’t know how but I was on the shop’s side of the road. So just with the kids curiosity, in front of a toy shop, I let my eyes take a flying notice of what was in there. Though I couldnot see anything properly but registered the subtle head gesture of the attendant. He slightly bowed his head towards one side and gave a fleeting smile as if gesturing to come and have a look inside and will find what what I am looking for. I don’t know why but I felt uneasy.
I started walking fast to get away from there. And then literally started running. That night I was so scared that couldnot sleep. I asked Mammaa to give me company. We both sat in the living room. I layed my head in her lap and she was moving her fingers in my hair. She tried to talk me to sleep. But as I closed my eyes I saw the glimpse of his face. There was nothing to be scared of, in his face but some feeling which was associated with him, was weird because I couldnot sort out what? Why I was feeling this way. I told Mammaa about the whole incident. She smiled and said “I don’t find anything weird or unusual in it. Why are you freaking out for nothing?” Late that night when somehow my eyes felt heavy with sleep, I hugged her and slept on the couch.
Next day when I boarded the train to office, I saw a lady who has a shop in the same street. So enquired her about the shop. It seemed that she couldn’t recognise the shop I was talking about. So the little chat was ended on a friendly note. While walking in the street I had no courage to lift my eyes up and see the shop. Digging my eyesight into the road, down, I kept on walking in a fast pace and once reaching the office building, released a sigh! While returning I kept on my side of the road and was careful not to cross the road.
Now it was a routine that I slept with Mammaa ’cause I was affraid of being alone. In the morning Mammaa asked if she can come with me as she had to go to aunt’s place that day and while returning she can join me and it will be good that she can also look the shop and the attendant. May be she can deal with the matter and I will be okay, I agreed. At 6.00 p.m. that evening she mat me at the gate of office building. We started walking, towards the metro station,in the street. She was telling me about her day at aunt’s place. I half heartedly was listening and suddenly I pointed my finger unnoticeable from under my hand bag,towards the shop. While Mammaa could take a look at it, we crossed the shop. So she asked me to stop there and went back to enquire. But there was nothing to look for. She came back puzzled, thinking may be she went to the wrong shop. Well back home, that night, we both were discussing the evening’s incident. But I think there was some misunderstanding between us. I was talking about one shop and she was explaining about another. Well this is how the dinner was over and we prepared for the next day.
Next day was my bestie’s birthday and she was interested in antiques. So I thought of buying something for her on the way home. Next thing in the morning I called other friends of the group and planned a surprise party. Everyone was to reach at the venue by 5.00 p.m. So to be on time the next day, I applied for early off in advance. And finished my work including some extra for compensating the next day’s work. In evening when I was in the street I was looking at the shops, where I can find the gift for my friend. Suddenly I noticed that attendant of that shop was not there. So I tip toed to it for taking the advantage of the chance. Peeping through the dark glasses of the shop, I could only make our there were some big and glittering objects were placed on racks and on the floor.
My curiosity leaded me to something which sort of destroyed me. I opened the door and entered. And to my surprise it was a antique shop. I started looking for some appropriate gift for my friend. When suddenly my hand thrashed a photo frame. Before it could touch the floor I caught it and placed it in place. It was made of ornate. But it looked as if someone has took out the picture from it recently as the marks were fresh. Well placing it on place I moved forward in search of another gift and was wondering where the shopkeeper was and where through attendant gone. While engrossed in my thoughts, I reached a wooden cupboard with beautiful carving. I stood still in front of it and thinking where did I see it before and when? But couldnot make out. I could feel a strong connection to it but what sort of or how that was a mystery. Then suddenly a candle stand 7 silver was handed over to me! Thinking the shopkeeper must have come I took it and was taking a close look when something caught my attention, and I lifted up my gaze from the candles and and rested it on a familiar face. I was dumbstruck. I was so horrified that ran away from the shop. Later I noticed the candle stand was in my hand. I turned to see if he was coming for me but there was nothing. I had no guts to return to that shop so brought it home and told Mammaa everything. She said that next day the first thing in the morning I should go and return it. But seeing me so reluctant, she scolded me and warned me to return it or pay the price.
Next day I asked Mammaa a favour of returning it back to the shop and left for office. In the evening at 5.00 my friend called me from the gate of office building. We both went on her scooty to the venue. Enjoyed the party and returned home at 9.00 p.m. My friend, whose birthday it was came to drop me. And as it was late I asked her to stay back and I wanted to discuss with her the incidents. Meanwhile I asked Mammaa about the candle stand. She handed me back the silver piece. Saying that she couldnot find the shop, though she asked each of the shops. I was frustrated at this answer so threw it on the bed and broke down in front of my friend. Then told her the whole story. Next day was Saturday and our offices were off, so she said she will accompany me to the street shop and we both will return it and talk to the person and close the matter.
Next day I was so nervous and cold that my hands and legs were shaking. Well somehow my friend talked me to come along to the shop. We walked through the street in tensed mood and then I stopped in front of a shop. My friend asked me what was the reason? I didn’t say anything just stared at her face and then back at the shop. She followed my gaze but couldn’t see anything. When she told me the same I exclaimed and understood, why the lady from the street in the train was not getting me and why Mammaa was confused two times! Then I was horrified why I was only seeing the shop and the mysterious attendant cum shopkeeper?
As my friend was with me, I gathered courage, hold her hand and started to walk towards the shop. I told her to be with me no matter how much weird it looks she should stay by my side. In there it was all clean and some earthy scent was filled. It was evoking some feelings but I couldnot name them, what? I kept on moving slowly, dragging my friend along. The photo frame from other day was hung beside the wooden cupboard and this time it had a photo in it. One was semi visible the other was only a haze. From it I could make out that the man in the photo was the shop owner but the other person was not clear so I don’t know who it was? The cupboard had a mark on its left door, some sort of initials. I touched it and traced the length and breadth of it. I don’t know why but had sudden urge to open it and examine whatever is in there. It was a feeling like someone finds their long list belongings after a long time and have that impulse to go through it to satisfy themselves that everything is ok and in place. I pulled the door and was utterly disappointed to find it empty. As if I was expecting it to be stuffed with dresses and ornaments.
I was little distressed and it showed on my face. In the photo frame I saw the owner’s reflection smiling with some sort of tenderness and it was the first time I noticed that he was good looking, handsome man of my age. He had deep, brown and big smiling eyes. There was something in his eyes and smile this time that didn’t scare but puzzled me. I retreated from there and my friend was continuously asking me “what happened?” I had no answer. We came home and I exhaustedly I fell down on a sofa and closed my eyes. My friend sat beside me. Confused and tensed, herself. But none of us told Mammaa about it. She offered to stay back.
Tomorrow we will go there again. She will meet me after her office and then again the quest will start.

I am gonna love you….

I know she is there to take care

of you, when I am gone

Your love divided into two

still I gonna love you like there’s nothing else

Pretendence is hard to not to care

for you and her

But I do and a lot

I dream her more than you do

I cry over the memory

when I belonged to you

and you were only mine

The sweet moments of life

My reality never gonna change

I stopped caring for the same

And for the people

who won’t change

But it’s okay if you don’t love me

the way you say

’cause my love for you

will forever stay

I am gonna love you like

I’ve never been broken

 

I wanted.

I wanted to be your rain
As you are my sunshine
So we could make rainbows

I wanted to be the rock for you to lean on
In your times of smiles and tears
But little did I know, it’s use to crush my vows

I wanted to be your last if not only
The beyond perfection feeling I crave
Let me be the missing puzzle piece of you

Now I wish to be the breath
That inhabits you for a flick
The unnoticed but the neccesity

You are my forever
No end no begining
Always the centre of my eternity