Silence is not empty, it’s full of … Answers!

In my case the silence is full of destructive, negative and sad thoughts. So I don’t sit silent instead I chat with my mind about my book, blog or channel.

I look for answers not in silence but in the chaos of my mind. It (chaotic mind) has lot to offer, from wide range of emotions. I never found anything from silence apart from provoking thoughts of negativity. So, I never keep that ghostly silence creep into my space. I keep chattering or giving exercise to my mind when I find moments of peace. It has helped a lot to pull up my life togather once again after my encounter with the ugly truth of me not being only one for my love.

Believe me your mind can play fatal tricks upon you once it has gone through some dentful events, so keeping your self bisy even in the moments of silence is good rather than let it drool over the random topics, which for sure are dark unlike healthy minds which find answers in silence.

The Car

A dense forest….on the verge of a lake stands still a lonely cabin.
A few meters away is parked a vintage valks vagon.
The sunlight is creating camouflage pattern on the ground.
Shadows are darker and light is not so bright, the contrast is high.

Some cops enter the scene. They went inside the cabin to check it and later investigate the nearby place. They finally halt near the car. Inspector looks into it and asks the constables to check the car thoroughly.

One of the constable who was at the rear end of it told Inspector that the car number plate was missing but the number was scrapped into its paint with any sharp object and that the number was same to that which was reported of the missing valks vagon. So the team becomes more active and starts searching in the car for some other clues.
But they were more of confused then curious, that how the car reached the place where it was seen and reported last week as it’s condition was not good. Still they continued with their search and thus reached for door handle to open it.

There was something strange about the car but what that they were not able to figure out. The inspector peeped into the car and noticed something glittering below the seat cover of the passangers seat. He, then asked one cop to pull up the seat cover and see what was it, that was glittering. The coptried to lift up the cover thinking it to come up in a large chunk of cloth but it tore into a pieces instead. To prick on the seat cover he had to scratch it and scrap it. The way it was coming out was peculiar as if peelings of dead skin! After scraping half of the seat he could takeout the glittering object which turned out to be a mobile. On switching on the mobile they found out it belonged to one of the missing boys for who they were searching. Suddenly the search becomes more intense and the whole party involves in the act of tearing the seat covers which came off into bits and pieces as like that of dead skin and the belongings of the missing boys start to appear under the seats. The foot mats of the car were even more weird, black thread like matterial plaited to form mat and felt silky to touch. After searching the interior of the car their attention turned to the exterior and they noticed the car was faded rusted red color as that of dried blood. Apart from that, they could not find anything more from the car.

They took all the evidences and the strange car to the city for forensic investigation. Two days after the inspector got a call from the forensic department asking him to reach the office without any delay. The investigating forensic doctor and his assistant were pale as scared to death when the inspector reached. They took him to the lab and showed him some tests they had performed on his findings. The seat covers were not actually fabric but what they felt like and the foot mats too were made of human hair of different people told the forensic doctor after performing the dna tests and most surprisingly the color of the car was not actually regular color but had traces of human blood with mixed dna! To their horror the car was taking fuel from human flesh as some pieces of human tissues were found in the fuel tank and the combustion system of the engine. How it could be possible they were wondering when suddenly the car seemed to move a bit from its place and the light went off.

Headlines of the news paper next day read, team working on double missing cases of four people and a car, missing. The forensic doctor, his assistant and inspector were in missing complaint too. A suspicious brand new car of blood red color with crisp new seat covers and foot mats was parked opposite to the forensic department.

Coffee

Oh I know its not a new topic here on my blog as I already did 2 before this one. Or may be 3. But as the matter of fact , I am obsessed with the word coffee and the liquid itself, I can’t stop writing about it or getting inspired by it. It basically gives me a high feel. I mean when I am with my best pal, my coffee mug…I feel on top of the world. It makes me feel so content and satisfied that there is nothing in the world that can make me so fulfilled. Apart from my family ofcourse, but then living beings have a tendency to turn you down sometimes or the other no matter how close they are, but this darling of mine is just the same everytime i meet her. It wont complain of meeting after a long time or not meeting at all….or such things but will make me feel possitive everytime I am in the company. It always fills me with positive thoughts and make feel light hearted.

Today 8 habe two things to share with you, one, that my hubby got me two varieties of coffee from the coffee plantation estate he went to, for his work and bought me a coffee plunget, I was dreaming to get from quite a some time now. And the overwhelming reaction of mine hasn’t stopped till now, though coupl of days have passed snce I first hold in my hands. The mere thought of it makes me bubble with joy and the smioe starts to curve my lips. The amazing thing is that with these two new addition in coffee stack I have 5 varieties at my disposal to cater my mood. I am so happy with this knowladge that its just making me write about coffee on the verge of making others fright(because I dont think anyone might be writing that much on a go or so many posts on s8ngoe subject with same old feeling, of happiness ofcourse.😆). I made coffee the whole day tomorrow for everyone and even was looking forward to guests who might turn up or should I invite them, was my quetion to my Mom in Law, over a coffee party…to which she was frightened and tried to pulled a hold on my edginess, lovingly petting on my shoulder and making fun of me. She too enjoyed the varieties of coffee I made.

The second thing which I want to share is an inspiration from Youtube video which showed an old British lady may be 80 years or so, doing salsa with a jaw dropping performance. All the judges were so dumbstruck by her performance that they couldn’t utter a word while she was in action. And when at last she told her story that how she had to give up her passion which she nurtured since she was a tod, after marriage and sattle in another country and her beloved husband passed away in just 18 months of them moving there and how she had look after her 4 children and take care of everything that when after years her children grew up she asked them if she can persue her career in dance and they all, as they are adorable children f adorable parents, encouraged their mother who once uad giben up all her dreams to upbring them. Now it was her time and there she stood in front of the judges and the audience of Britain Got Talent stage with the golden buzzer press3d for jer without a second thougt or even and further comments. This lady there has become my inspiration. I love her and adore her for being so courageous and not letting her dreams and hopes go away even after such a long time. I will stick to my dream and my hopes go. I will certainly do that onething I dreamt of, at any age…now onwards I wont think or feel disheartened by the fact that my age may not let me do or won’t suit to me after I am older…necause dreams dont have age limit they live long enough to be fulfilled. Its us who give up hope putting forth many excuses to hide our holessness. So from now on I am going to cling harder to my dream and will keep nudgging myself whenever I start loosing hope.

Hat’s off to you grand maa and my dearest coffee to keep smiling and believing that there is always a sunshine no matter how dark is the night.

Returning to the long forgotten skill…

I’ve been busy with regaining control on graphics these days. I love doing it so much that I am pending my all other works. Its like giving paints and colors, papers, pencils to a child and he will forget the world.

Everyday i think I will write today and every single day I postpone it fir another day. I know am giving excuse and being lazy but believe me the joy of it is nonetheless then what I get in writing.

As I can lose myself in writing equally i can drown in graphic designing too. In either case I dont want to be found. But just keep on reach deeper and deeper and find my self, in there.

As reading and writing is addiction to me, graphic designing is intoxicating too. Loving my this side again….

My story

I am going to narrate you all today a story which has left me stunned and speechless. It has shaken my belief system. I am at loss of what to believe and what not to.
But not taking you much time I will start my story. I reach my office everyday travelling through metro train and then walking the last 10 minutes through a busy street and then reach my office.
I know there is nothing new or different in what I said above, but what if I told you there was something weird started happening with me from last 2 months? Something of which I came to know only 10 days back. In other words I discovered it late.
This street which I walk through is full of small but decorative shops. With shining glasses and an attendant smiling at the doorstep. Some days later I noticed that only one shop had an attendant in front of it. The shop owners normally attracted the customers for rest of the shops. Occasionally they had help hired in any festive season. This fact made me notice the particular shop, often because it was not any festive season nor any particular time of the month, which called for celebration.
Many days passed in this way. Me getting curious about the shop and it’s attendant and him following me through his eyes, till I reach the office building.
Once I was crossing the market while returning from office. It was 5.30 p.m. In the evening when I crossed the shop and this time I don’t know how but I was on the shop’s side of the road. So just with the kids curiosity, in front of a toy shop, I let my eyes take a flying notice of what was in there. Though I couldnot see anything properly but registered the subtle head gesture of the attendant. He slightly bowed his head towards one side and gave a fleeting smile as if gesturing to come and have a look inside and will find what what I am looking for. I don’t know why but I felt uneasy.
I started walking fast to get away from there. And then literally started running. That night I was so scared that couldnot sleep. I asked Mammaa to give me company. We both sat in the living room. I layed my head in her lap and she was moving her fingers in my hair. She tried to talk me to sleep. But as I closed my eyes I saw the glimpse of his face. There was nothing to be scared of, in his face but some feeling which was associated with him, was weird because I couldnot sort out what? Why I was feeling this way. I told Mammaa about the whole incident. She smiled and said “I don’t find anything weird or unusual in it. Why are you freaking out for nothing?” Late that night when somehow my eyes felt heavy with sleep, I hugged her and slept on the couch.
Next day when I boarded the train to office, I saw a lady who has a shop in the same street. So enquired her about the shop. It seemed that she couldn’t recognise the shop I was talking about. So the little chat was ended on a friendly note. While walking in the street I had no courage to lift my eyes up and see the shop. Digging my eyesight into the road, down, I kept on walking in a fast pace and once reaching the office building, released a sigh! While returning I kept on my side of the road and was careful not to cross the road.
Now it was a routine that I slept with Mammaa ’cause I was affraid of being alone. In the morning Mammaa asked if she can come with me as she had to go to aunt’s place that day and while returning she can join me and it will be good that she can also look the shop and the attendant. May be she can deal with the matter and I will be okay, I agreed. At 6.00 p.m. that evening she mat me at the gate of office building. We started walking, towards the metro station,in the street. She was telling me about her day at aunt’s place. I half heartedly was listening and suddenly I pointed my finger unnoticeable from under my hand bag,towards the shop. While Mammaa could take a look at it, we crossed the shop. So she asked me to stop there and went back to enquire. But there was nothing to look for. She came back puzzled, thinking may be she went to the wrong shop. Well back home, that night, we both were discussing the evening’s incident. But I think there was some misunderstanding between us. I was talking about one shop and she was explaining about another. Well this is how the dinner was over and we prepared for the next day.
Next day was my bestie’s birthday and she was interested in antiques. So I thought of buying something for her on the way home. Next thing in the morning I called other friends of the group and planned a surprise party. Everyone was to reach at the venue by 5.00 p.m. So to be on time the next day, I applied for early off in advance. And finished my work including some extra for compensating the next day’s work. In evening when I was in the street I was looking at the shops, where I can find the gift for my friend. Suddenly I noticed that attendant of that shop was not there. So I tip toed to it for taking the advantage of the chance. Peeping through the dark glasses of the shop, I could only make our there were some big and glittering objects were placed on racks and on the floor.
My curiosity leaded me to something which sort of destroyed me. I opened the door and entered. And to my surprise it was a antique shop. I started looking for some appropriate gift for my friend. When suddenly my hand thrashed a photo frame. Before it could touch the floor I caught it and placed it in place. It was made of ornate. But it looked as if someone has took out the picture from it recently as the marks were fresh. Well placing it on place I moved forward in search of another gift and was wondering where the shopkeeper was and where through attendant gone. While engrossed in my thoughts, I reached a wooden cupboard with beautiful carving. I stood still in front of it and thinking where did I see it before and when? But couldnot make out. I could feel a strong connection to it but what sort of or how that was a mystery. Then suddenly a candle stand 7 silver was handed over to me! Thinking the shopkeeper must have come I took it and was taking a close look when something caught my attention, and I lifted up my gaze from the candles and and rested it on a familiar face. I was dumbstruck. I was so horrified that ran away from the shop. Later I noticed the candle stand was in my hand. I turned to see if he was coming for me but there was nothing. I had no guts to return to that shop so brought it home and told Mammaa everything. She said that next day the first thing in the morning I should go and return it. But seeing me so reluctant, she scolded me and warned me to return it or pay the price.
Next day I asked Mammaa a favour of returning it back to the shop and left for office. In the evening at 5.00 my friend called me from the gate of office building. We both went on her scooty to the venue. Enjoyed the party and returned home at 9.00 p.m. My friend, whose birthday it was came to drop me. And as it was late I asked her to stay back and I wanted to discuss with her the incidents. Meanwhile I asked Mammaa about the candle stand. She handed me back the silver piece. Saying that she couldnot find the shop, though she asked each of the shops. I was frustrated at this answer so threw it on the bed and broke down in front of my friend. Then told her the whole story. Next day was Saturday and our offices were off, so she said she will accompany me to the street shop and we both will return it and talk to the person and close the matter.
Next day I was so nervous and cold that my hands and legs were shaking. Well somehow my friend talked me to come along to the shop. We walked through the street in tensed mood and then I stopped in front of a shop. My friend asked me what was the reason? I didn’t say anything just stared at her face and then back at the shop. She followed my gaze but couldn’t see anything. When she told me the same I exclaimed and understood, why the lady from the street in the train was not getting me and why Mammaa was confused two times! Then I was horrified why I was only seeing the shop and the mysterious attendant cum shopkeeper?
As my friend was with me, I gathered courage, hold her hand and started to walk towards the shop. I told her to be with me no matter how much weird it looks she should stay by my side. In there it was all clean and some earthy scent was filled. It was evoking some feelings but I couldnot name them, what? I kept on moving slowly, dragging my friend along. The photo frame from other day was hung beside the wooden cupboard and this time it had a photo in it. One was semi visible the other was only a haze. From it I could make out that the man in the photo was the shop owner but the other person was not clear so I don’t know who it was? The cupboard had a mark on its left door, some sort of initials. I touched it and traced the length and breadth of it. I don’t know why but had sudden urge to open it and examine whatever is in there. It was a feeling like someone finds their long list belongings after a long time and have that impulse to go through it to satisfy themselves that everything is ok and in place. I pulled the door and was utterly disappointed to find it empty. As if I was expecting it to be stuffed with dresses and ornaments.
I was little distressed and it showed on my face. In the photo frame I saw the owner’s reflection smiling with some sort of tenderness and it was the first time I noticed that he was good looking, handsome man of my age. He had deep, brown and big smiling eyes. There was something in his eyes and smile this time that didn’t scare but puzzled me. I retreated from there and my friend was continuously asking me “what happened?” I had no answer. We came home and I exhaustedly I fell down on a sofa and closed my eyes. My friend sat beside me. Confused and tensed, herself. But none of us told Mammaa about it. She offered to stay back.
Tomorrow we will go there again. She will meet me after her office and then again the quest will start.

New blog!

Hi fellow bloggers and all wellwishers….I am so happy to share a news with you all beautidul souls out there. All your best wishes and blessings have turned up into something fruitful and I hve named it TelugUrbex.

Wether it’s a wordpress blog or a G+, tumblr, linkedin with all your love and encouragement I have named it TelugUrbex. I hope my blig and rhen finally my channel will also get the same love and support from you all.

This again is a trial or a way to fight my inner demons. The work for it will keep me busy, I hope. I know what we are fighting cannot be destroyed but it can be controlled and taken care of. So to make it one of my tools to fight my mental illness and try to revive my passion for camera and love for knowing places better I am doing all this.

Please do bless my little effort. And help me become better.

Sunshine after Rainyday

A goodnews for me and for all of you who wished and blessed me. Last two days were very bad and shrouded with gloomyness for me.

But not taking you all through that glommy ride, I will cut short and come to the point. If you remember in my post ‘Desires not wishes’ I talked about my one desire to start my own you tube chennel, so 90% of it is materialsed and if everything goes fine in May, I will start shooting for it.

The shortcomings I was facing or am facing will be taken care of shortly, with the help of a friend and my hubby’s support. So now I can start shooting initial videos and after editing and all, I may post in July.

This day I am full happy and my excitement is overflowing. I am feeling free from some sort of cage. Even my ‘urban photography’ has got approval and I got some gutts to ask for camera and lengthy talk about my passion for photography and shoots to my husband.

One more good news I want to share is that, my photographs are getting good response and I am now trying my hands on streetphotography and urban, too

Getting good response on these is taking me to 7thheaben. TodayI am on cloud 9. Though the sadness is there, it wont go but atleastI can face it with some light. I can keep the dark thoughts at some distance.

Need your all, blessings and good wishes.

Back to dance class.

I am back in dance class after many days. Think months. But still am back. Though it’s hot now a days our here and am going our for summer vacations of children but till then me and children both will have some fresh moments. Coming here literally refreshes me and them out.
It’s like an activity for my mind to relieve the burden off. I just enjoy some me time here and get to see new people who can be characters for my write up. Plus who won’t enjoy the fresh air outside the four walls.
So today there are all new children here apart from my children. My son was feeling shy but his little sister was so enthusiast to enter her zone that she didn’t wait for her brother and just entered and mingled with others.
I hope to continue comming to these classes ignoring the little discomfort of hot weather outside. Plus we, I mean my daughter and me are planning to go for morning walks from tomorrow as my son has school going on. I think there in the garden the cool morning air and new people and new surrounding will give me more inspiration to write, write something new.
Wish me luck that everything goes as planned.

Short horror stories 1

She was standing in front of the mirror , trembling and shaking. Her reflection smiling mercilessly at her.

*************

He kept all his mirrors covered. Fearing his childhood stories to be true, of some soul snatcher comming out of it if you call his name in front of mirror.

One night his friend jokingly removed all the covers from mirrors and in night called the soul wnatcher’s name three times and boom….the lights were off for few seconds and when the light came his friend lay dead in fron of the dressing table and blood dripping out of the mirror’s crack.

***************

Ages ago, he used to sleep in the out house room of an age old mansion. No one ever believed him when he told about his strange encounters. But one thing everybody witnessed every now and then, that he was thrown out of his room into the open with his folding bed atop him. And on checking the room nothing was found, ever.

****************

Whenever she visited her childhood home and stood in front of her bedroom, it used to lure her in and then never let her out without some one’s help and next day she used to suffer from fever.

***************

Life

Life is treating me like a stranger. I dont know how to get out of this situation. It’s strange that I am unknown to myself. The person who grew up and the person whp turned out on growing up are two different people. Its becoming hard day by day to keep abalance between the two, to keep hold on life itself. Everyday I struggle to keep calm. To keep calm in front of my love, my kidos and others, when the tables turn. But don’t know how to get out of this.

I never ever was such a irritating person. But now I am irritating myself. Life has so much to offer but I am not opening up to accept it. How hard I may try but trys are all I do.

Sometimes I hear or see someone elses problems and their struggles with life, for a while I feel blessed but then again my darkness falls on me. I have become like a frog 2ho liv3s in a well and thinos its the whole world. I hate this situation. I want to come out of it, the wrll is a very scary place, it may suffocate me. The darkness down here is very numbing. I am desperate to feel everything again, the way I used to feel. I want to be real me. The originql me. I understand the pain and wait of pupa before it comes out of the cocoon as an enchanting butterfly but the difference here is I don’t know when my cocoon will break.

It is said the night is darkest before the dawn and the turn where we feel enough is enough is where the things take turn. But why can’t anyone tell the time for this long wait which seems infinite.