A small scene

She sat there looking at him with tearful eyes. He moved closer and encircled his arm around her shoulders.
A sob escaped. She suddenly suppressed her mouth to stop further sobs. With the back of her palm she rubbed her tears off, which came over the rim of her eyes.
He slightly kissed her forehead and tightened his grip. She was inconsolable now. It was like a barrier was broken and tears flowed like a river uncontrollable. Her whole body shakes with each sob escaped.
It was hard for her to believe what she heard just now. She was fixed in her mind that nothing can change the situation she was in as not atleast him. His words were just to fool her because he himself said that nothing could happen to change the situation he was in.
But if this is to be believed than the situation is more bad and if he is to be believed, she was to be blamed for his heart ache. She felt guilty for putting him in the situation of deep pain and loss.
She looked up and gazed in his eyes, then told him that she won’t forgive herself till she is alive for separating him from his heart.
She loosened his embrace and shifted bit far and said that if it was not for their children, she would have moved out of his life. She said sorry repeatedly and closed her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks.
He sighed deeply and embrace her once again and managed to say that he could understand her pain and felt it deep in his heart. Her last sobs were smothered in his loving kiss. Or so it appears.

I am on my way to be Someone.

I wanted to be someone else but I am becoming someone else. But I am happy for what I am going to be and all because of You, my Love. Without your support it all was a dream. Even before we met actually, you were backing me to be this someone, to get out of my comfy zone and let my wings of butterfly bloom to their fullest.

Than, I didn’t know this is what I will be. My stories, my poems which I wrote in rough note book or old diary will crop up and be visible to the world. The thoughts of bliss, words of curiosity will become the main character.

But You know what? I am very excited to be on this journey of new me. The journey which will give me some meaning and some more thoughts to ponder upon. Then I will be Someone instead of anyone. I will be living my dream, a dream to create charcters and their lives and love and complications and their world.

May be one day, may be, You my love will want to be a part of my world and will feel proud of being mine…but that day…I will say ‘NO’ to You. And you will feel sorry for destroying me in the first place. But because I love you so dearly and deeply I might think and forgive you. But all that is a big ‘IF’ hope everything goes fine and I realise my dream, at least this one.

Life and love

Inspiring Thought 2

How to face your failures and break the fears.

When you are on the verge of giving up or hide behind your fear of failure, just remember why you started. For this you have to have a clear aim and a dream to die for. This will make you fight for success, no matter if initially you fail. You need to learn from your experiences. So that you don’t make same mistake again and again. Every new trial will take you one step ahead.

Dont be overconfident thinking that you cannot fail that when it happens you are lost! But same time you should neither be low esteemed and be afraid of failing but just be sure to give your 200% to whatever you do, with open heart. So that in any case you are benefitted. Only open attitude towards achieving your goals and dreams can take you forward and not the fear of failure. That’s the reason you should be not afraid of failure but of the fear of failure. What I think is that by R&D method you develop originality.

Fears keep you away from your heartiest desires and that can be the reason enough to not to fear failure. Don’t abandon your trials, be sincere and be happy. To conquer your fears you must get working instead of sitting and thinking about it. One more way to face failure is to take it as a step towards change because if you don’t learn you keep committing the same mistake. In fact failure should be used as a stepping stone towards success. Start thinking it as a way not a hinderance.

Always remember that fears are drawbacks and they limit our happiness. Learn to enjoy the process and let them be your inspiration.Be courageous enough not to stop.Be determined to succeed and don’t give up, no matter how long it takes, keep thriving, Failures bring you on the right path otherwise how would you know which direction to go?

Face your failures with dignity and courage.

 

Just a thought.

The people who love you the way they do, are very rare to find. True love is not rare but is becoming extinct. I read somewhere that true love is always better then first love. So when you find such a love, grab no I say fill  your soul to its full content even more. You don’t know when in life you get so lucky or the chance to experience it. No question of next life arises  because no one knows that what’s going  to happen in next moment, hour, day, month or year so be smart and enjoy the quality of love you are getting.

Don’t act fool by ditching or hurting the emotions of your loved one. Later when you realize your mistake, there will be no other chance to apologize. Then except crying over the misdeed nothing is left.

Inspiring thought

Failure is an important step of development. Don’t be afraid of failure.

Be honest to yourself and never let anyone influence or distract you from your goal. Backbiting is the nature of people but don’t waste your energy on them. You know your worth and capability. You know who you are.

You should give yourself a priority only then others will give you importance. Work hard to achieve your goals and when you realize them and are shining with pride, do not close the doors to success instead share you path with others so that they can also feel the same way, Share your success and the path you took with everyone. When others succeed and look happy you will feel satisfied and content, which is a bonus and the real meaning of being successful.

Keep learning> Something new is always an addition to what we have. Open mind is a good receptor for new and useful ideas, so keep your mind open always, observe everything deeply, have a curious eye, zeal to learn something new. Take some risks and don’t make lame excuses.

There should be continuity in your work. It is said even the water becomes stagnant when its still, air in a closed place become stagnant and instead of giving life it becomes poisonous and suffocating. So to improve the quality of our work and to grow, continuity should be maintained. Freshness of the new ideas and hard work with determination will take you very far.

I loved you even though I knew you’re gonna hurt me heartlessly oneday. I still love you when I know your love is not mine. Sometimes there are the times when I hate myself for loving you. You say I am the sole reason for my mental illness, you don’t have anything to do with it. But love, tell you one thing, even though I had something wrong with my mental condition, was it not your duty to lead me out through it? Or you think taking me to the middle of the ocean leaving me their to drown and swim back to live your life, was right thing. May be that is right because you don’t have the guilt or concern about my condition. You don’t think you have anything to do with it. Its totally my fault because I had symptoms earlier which I told you about. But I didn’t know you will use it against me instead of holding me through it.

But I still love you like you’re my last hope. I think I don’t have depression, anxiety and panic attack as mental illness but Love also has become a part of my mental illnesses.  It is also something from which I cannot runaway. How hard I may want to but I cannot. My mind has embedded it. My heart has already surrendered. I am in a helpless condition now. Seriously, I am hopeless. Why this has happened to me or shall I ask why you did this to me? The question haunts me day and night 24/7. May be the reason is that I am not perfect but then you also turned out to be imperfect. But still I wish if, only if you could be mine in the way I am yours.

I thought you were mine, when you were breathing someone else’s name, so fool of me. Yes I am one biggest unmatchable foolish person who kept on blushing when saw you smiling at me. What I knew why you were laughing?  Now I cry my heart out, to sleep because now I understand that you laughed at me and I thought you loved me. But don’t you worry my heart will  always be yours and my love will have single address, you. You might not belong to me anymore and your heart may beat for someone else but I will love you till the day I breath my last.

I have a request to make, please don’t say, will see. I just want to see your face in front of my eyes and my head in your lap when I die. Remember my first wish, that I made to you? Well it is the same wish I am making right now. I never wished money, gifts, jewelry or any worldly pleasure but only your time, love and company. To share your pains, happiness and celebrate your achievements was all I wished for. I don’t know what went wrong or did I ask too much? The answers are still hiding and its making me go crazy. I know what is going to happen in the end, but deep down somewhere in my heart I truly and deeply wish that it won’t. Hopes are the fuel keeping me alive.

But do hopes work? Are they for real? Or just another illusion?

Rail of my thoughts.

My words, my passion…everything started with you. I looked everywhere for you. Since the time I started knowing my surroundings, I only searched for you. Infact whole my life untill I found you…I was confused what actually I was searching for.

When I found you, it was like beautiful splash of colours blasting suddenly into my life. It was like my soul speaking to me, telling me that I have found the one I was looking for and then to your soul my soul spoke the same thing. You didnt realise but the truth is souls find their halves without physical plane knowing it. Because its said souls have the same hiding place. Wherever we go we will meet in the end. I met you and was like now I have no more soul searching to do. I was relexed and and felt at ease.

My life has taken a different turn since our lives are mingled. For better or worst, we are togather in this run of life, to uplift eachother. May be sometimes we do not agree or even come to the verge but we dont break, because its all is in process for our higher upliftment. Every action we take, help us learn our lessons and move forward in the path of our learning.

I have never thought of leaving your side in any situation, no matter what happens between us. But I dont know why I am feeling from sometime now, that I am not doing my job properly, even I sometimes feel that may be I was not supposed to meet you in this life or may be I came too early, before my time, in yourlife. I dont know why sometimes you make me feel worthless.

I sometimes wonder how can I still love you the way I do. But then I know no matter what or who comes in between us you are and wilp me my soulmate. I will love you same like this and even more now and every life yet to come. Because there is no other love destined for you rather then mine. Blossoms come and go with seasons but spring remains eternal.

For daily prompt:
Wonder

Don’t I deserve little treats now and then?

I thought of swirling with you on a sweet tune of my favourite song just even for a few seconds, if not for longer. Because i wanted to distract my mind from pain, the pain which is so sharp and piercing, the pain which is incurable, so deep, so unwanted but unavoidable.

It cannot be treated as the wound of it, is not visible and its said the wouns which are nor seen are deeper and most painful because what you cannot see you cannot treat. And people dont understand that kind of pain because its not present for them to see and they believe in what they see. It cannot be felt by others so its sort of non existent for them. They do not know what the hell I am going through. Its making me forgetting all my likings and hobbies.

And in my mind its making me feel its presense every second. There are moments when it overpowers me and I just want to hide behind the darkness and sulk . They call me lazy, careless, ignorant, forgetful and what not. Dont miss a chance to hurt me. Someimes I doubt whether they understand my condition or not? But then they say they do, its me who should try to comeout of it and shrug that darkness, it makes me confused about them amd me both. Sometimes I feel am I really wantedly doing this all, this heartbreaking and life threatening thing? No certainly not, I am going through something that really exists and its eating me up internally and I am fighting it with all my might. I know I have only one life to live and fulfill my dreams so I cant let it take away all my happiness and the colors from it. Its really hard to cope but still I am trying to ignore it, step over it run from it, ahead of it, in short doing everyhing just to put it at the back of the mind so that it bothers me less.

The best remedy is his company, him understanding me and the worst trigger is just opposite of it. So, I think I really deserve some little treats as treatment. Don’t I?

Just a thought

My cupboard is something I dread to open. It’s like everything will fall down on me. I have stuffed it with odd things. And I am not able to bring myself to organise it. The mere thought gives me nightmare. Same is the condition of my mind. When I try to pull on one thought everything starts bombarding on me. I just cnut bare the pain. I am affraid of my mind. The inward journey even to the happy moments tumble up everything. My thoughts….OMG! I am scared of thinking anything now a days. One tug at a single thought …lo! the bundle of buried memories of love by gone, the trust laid out, everything that was dear to me, laughter, desires, color and dreams, all come rolling down upon me causing pain.

Why I am so? Some times I do ask myself but then no answer can be found so instead leave it aside and close the mind and it’s current thought process and try to focus on something g which will drive me away from the pain and the nightmare I am living through.

Oh, on a lighter note, I like to remind me one thing always when I cross this thought, that mine is (was?)a true love and that is why I am walking through my worst nightmare. One day will surely come (a bleak hope) when my love will smile back at me (just for me). I will be the only one (oh so gravely I wish) who will have het place back.