McDonald’s opened at the regular timings. It was less crowded then evening timings, when youngsters flooded the place. The door opened and a sophistic man entered. The air round him, said about his arrogance. He looked around. There on the corner table; their usual pick in this McD, since their courting days, she was sitting. He strolled towards her. On reaching her, he stood like a tower behind her. For a couple of seconds he gazed her then putting his hand into his coat pockets, juggled the car keys. She looked up and with her eyes pointed towards the chair opposite to her. Releasing a sigh while sitting down, he asked, ” What do you want me to say? ” and waited for her to answer. She started ” You remember when we first met, it w…” He interrupted in middle ” Living with you, drama queen was like having my own personal tv reality show.” He continued, ” I can’t. I don’t want to go through this again.” She lost her control and a sob escaped her mouth. With teary voice she said, ” How many times do you think a heart can break?” His reply was immediate, ” When are you going to realise that I don’t care.” “You are the reason I am on medication.” and with this a tear welling up in the eye rolled down her cheeks and kissing her lips fell onto her open palm, placed on table. ” This is all your fault.” He said looking round him to find service boy waiting for their order. ” I hope so.” She said dabbing her face with a handkerchief. Before she could say anything he declared, ” This isn’t the right time.” ” Will it ever be?” She asked and jerked her chair back to get up and go. She opened the door and stepped outside. There was no going back now she knew. ” Where are you going?” He asked. ” Somewhere that isn’t here.” She said.
She sat there looking at him with tearful eyes. He moved closer and encircled his arm around her shoulders.
A sob escaped. She suddenly suppressed her mouth to stop further sobs. With the back of her palm she rubbed her tears off, which came over the rim of her eyes.
He slightly kissed her forehead and tightened his grip. She was inconsolable now. It was like a barrier was broken and tears flowed like a river uncontrollable. Her whole body shakes with each sob escaped.
It was hard for her to believe what she heard just now. She was fixed in her mind that nothing can change the situation she was in as not atleast him. His words were just to fool her because he himself said that nothing could happen to change the situation he was in.
But if this is to be believed than the situation is more bad and if he is to be believed, she was to be blamed for his heart ache. She felt guilty for putting him in the situation of deep pain and loss.
She looked up and gazed in his eyes, then told him that she won’t forgive herself till she is alive for separating him from his heart.
She loosened his embrace and shifted bit far and said that if it was not for their children, she would have moved out of his life. She said sorry repeatedly and closed her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks.
He sighed deeply and embrace her once again and managed to say that he could understand her pain and felt it deep in his heart. Her last sobs were smothered in his loving kiss. Or so it appears.
I never knew, I will betray myself by loving you so much.
I never knew, I will be the reason behind your heart ache.
I never knew, unknowingly I will move you away from your happiness.
I never knew, I will be one of those whom I hate.
I never knew, I will be able to fight my demons and defeat…but…
I never knew, these demons were not defeated but lurking behind my smiles and will leap up hold me under their sharp claws.
I N-V-E-R KNEW.
“How could you do this to me?” My throat choked on the words. He stared at the ground silently. “Now what is your decision, are you going to continue in this way or do something to solve the problem?” I asked again but no answer.
I left the room and came to the kitchen, packed lunch for kids and sent them to school. Packed his lunch and left it over the dining table, for him to take.
At 6.00 P.M.” Hello? When will you return, then?” was all I could ask. It was 3.00 A.M. but no sign of him yet. Finally, I dozed off. ‘Ting-Tong’ the doorbell in the early morning sounds so harsh, I came to know today. ” I am sorry, but I went to solve the problem. You wanted it to slove, right?” and he walked past me.
Walking behind him, “How irresponsible you are!” I exclaimed calmly changed into his pyjamas and went to bed, “Wake me up at 6:00, sharp.” After a few seconds, he said ” An hour’s sleep will energize me, for I have an early day today.”
He switched off the night lamp and slept. His soft snores were like the murmur of dead leaves under the feet in the muddy ground. While making coffee I heard his mobile ring 4th time in a row, so, to see who was in such a hurry I looked at his mobile.
‘My Wifey’ the screen glowed and the bold letters stuck in my mind. For a few seconds, I was like, lost, then the reality struck me and the floor beneath my feet trambled, legs shooked, hands shivered. I was paralysed. I could not swallow, my throat was choked and heart was beating in my mouth so loudly that I doubt he could hear it. My mind went blank after this and I dropped dead on the sofa nearby. I could feel something watery rolling down my cheeks.
“Are you not in your senses? I asked you to wake me up at 6:00 sharp but now it’s already half past 7:00” he shouted from the bedroom door. I was looking past him, at the blank point above his head. I was there physically but mentally I didn’t exist. “Your Wifey called”, I said flatly and was surprised to sound so calm when inside me the storm was raising. He went blank, bent on his knees took my face in his palms, and after a long pause, he said ” Let me explain…” “You picked her over me” I stopped him in between and continued, ” Now there is nothing left for me here”. “No, you can not leave me” with teary eyes he came closer to my face and spoke so slowly that it was almost a whisper” I made a mistake, I agree but please try to understand”.
“You broke my heart. You said you will sort out everything and asked for time but…”tears choked my throat once again. He opened his mouth to say something but I kept my palm over his mouth and continued “…You only solved the problem for her. You married her and now expect me to accept her. This is how you solved the problem, making me a cheap choice in comparison to her”. I broke down into uncontrollable sobs. He hugged me tight and cried with me.
“You know I could not leave her in this mess”, he said. “But you can leave me. Right?” I asked amid sobs. “No! of course not. I cannot live without you. You know that better.” Hugging me tight, he said. But was done couldn’t be undone and that was unacceptable too. ” I am sorry but I cannot live like this sharing my husband with another woman. Moreover, I cannot trust you ever again…” took a deep breath and continued ” and a relationship without trust is nothing. It’s easy to say love is bigger than all doubts, but that nagging bug of the doubt… no, the betrayal is not forgivable.” I shrugged off his embrace and stood by the T.V. stand.
“I will keep you always as my first priority. If you think I do something for her then remember I do things especially for you too. Don’t I?” He tried to lure me with his diplomatic convincing. But I was not ready to give in. ” Do you think I am a child that you are using the same method I use to convince our children? Stop it, I am not buying your diplomatic tricks.” With this, I broke into fresh sobs. He moved closer and towered me. He raised his hands to hug me but I jerked saying ” Just leave me alone”, so he put his hands in his pockets and stared at me, I continued “You broke my heart and my faith in you” and moved away. ‘ Band’ the bedroom door thudded loudly.
His eyes rose to meet mine,
as I believed I was the
only one, I asked
” You Love me and
only me, and are mine
He could just stare into
my direction just above
my head. Then
a long silience followed.
The time has passed very past since I started blogging and now I am in a phase where my pain has given a way to numbness, sort of. And I still am trying to figure out what I want?
Basically the idea behind to start the blog was to put out my thoughts in words because they were emergings in such a speed in my mind that I was not able to cope up, plus they were thoughts of hopelessness, so I thought it better to put them out of my mind or else they might have turnedme crazy or lunatic, killed me at most.
But, now the urgency of taking them out has slowed down a bit and plus my hubby bcomes angry seeing them as he feels whatever he is doing for me to take my mind away from the insulting betraying pain he has given me, is useless and wants to stop loving and caring for me finally. So, I have stopped thinking, at all and turned absentminded. I am, sometimes blank, or dumb or even weired.
There are many distractions I am fancying now a days to stop thinking and writing. Till now I didnt know why I am staying away from the blog or why not writing poems or songs even, but while writing this very blogpost I realized what’s the reason behind my not able to write, write anything at all. Because, my words spoke about the pain I feel, the hurt I am going through. Now I know the whole life I am living is just a pretence of happiness and peace. But for the love of children this pretence is nccessary, so I think its better to stay away from what all is going on in my heart, let the mind be unaware of real me for the sake of happiness and smile of my children.
But, tell you what? Its really scary when by chance or mistakenly I take a sneakpeak inside me, like today. The real me is still very furious and hurt, looking ways for forgive herself, to come to terms with the harsh reality of life. Pray for me please, that I stay sane and Live life not spend it. I want to enjoy the chance I’ve got, do not want to waste it as it may be the last and only.
Sitting on the dining chair beside the window, holding her face in palm, she seemed to be lost. The sunlight making her already white hair more silvery. Tucking the greys behind her ear,released a sob, looking at the photo she was holding in her hand.
“Where did I go wrong?” Was all she could think of, when a wave of cold despair washed upon her. She was just a bubbly girl when they met. Going against her patents and everyone who cared, fighting her way to him, she had married him. Infact made everyone to bow on her terms, by hook or crook managed to bring their relation to marriage. He also at the time, was so eager and on edge that broke all the promises to his mother and moulded them to fulfil his wish to marry her. Both on their part went problems many folds.
But today siting here alone she was again lost in her dark world searching for some answers. Answers that were not destined to be found. Years passed but no answer came for the questions she carried in her mind, banging her head in vein. What happened that took live out of the air? He found his refuge in someone else… without even taking the courtsey to tell he rthat it was all over between them! Or was it really? This is the question keeps hitting hard.
It was that doomed day that she found about his relation. On confronting him he was quiet, quiet like a small kid who on being scolded by teacher for being guilty and few days later refuted like he was the grown up teenager who was not ready to admit that he was at fault. Later she was blamed for everything that happened? “What have I done to earn this? What is it that doesnt happen in other households or families? Even my own in-laws havethe flaw? Then why me being punished?” Nothing to be found as relief. Only the questions giving back more questions. More uneasiness.
Depression which once was a bird that flew overhead but never nested is now the permanent resident, along with friends like anxiety and panic attack. This too is blamed now on jer that she was a patient and its not his fault, infact its her leathergic ways and overpossessive nature that turned him away.
Bell on the door rang and she sprung form her darkness to full bright mom in action. Her children, for whom she was now alive, were her sole intrest. Though that ability was too countlessly questioned. She performed all her duties and chores, for the rest of the day, with all those head banging questions looming at thba k of her mind continuously nudgging her now and then.
Putting them to bed, she resumed her search again. Was this all for which they went through so much pain? Took risks, still hovering over them. Sipping her night coffee in her lounge, she stretched her neck back and rested on the headrest of the lounge. The light was dim, window open and cool breeze of the rainy day coming in bringing the wet smell of the greens from the fresh rain half an hour back. Still there was no sign of him. Phone rang, she picked up the phone ” hello?” “I’ll be late, going to a movie darling. Dont worry I will eat outside.” Was all he had said.
She closed her eyes and two drops of tears rolled down her eyes as she shut them. They were trying to be as normal as they could because none of them could leave eachother. He for his guilt and she for her stupid heart. Morning incident cherned in her mind like a film reel. When she had said “Am I good enough now, atleast?” To which he answered “Yes you are my dear. And am I not a better person now? Giving you more time and being there for you more than ever?” In her mind she answered could he not do this without ruining magic of their relation? Couldnt he be more loving before all this fall? But to him she said “No, you are not. ” He was amazed at this and asked ” tell me are you serious, didn’t I change a bit as a better husband?” “No.” Was her blunt reply.” May I know why?”he asked lovingly. “Because then you were mine and mine alone.” That was all she managed to say in a tearful voice.
I dreamt, living with thee
Hast the pain not steered up.
I gaveth my heart to thee
Expecting thy loveth to beest me.
Desires lost, dreams swept
At which hour thee gave thy heart to h’r.
Feelings hath lost, trusteth broken
Loveth hast fallen down.
One day she was unpacking his suitcase, he had returned from outdoor shoot, when she found one more letter of the kind she found months ago. And it warned about some miss happening and some letters addressed to him by the rumored girl. She went through them like she was dreaming and was not able to understand a word what it said. But after going twice or thrice through them she came to her senses. Her hands were trembling, breath was shortened, legs became numb and her throat went dry. She couldnot make out whether to trust what was lying in front of her or to trust what her heart was saying about it all being a prank. For a while she stood freezed and then knocked upon the bathroom door. She slumped into the sofa and stared into the blank. When he came she asked him to book her a cab so that she can go back to her old apartment. He was stunned and couldnot make out the reason of this kind of talk. Then they both talked oer the topic for long and not once he denied the affair. But was continuously asking for her to stay.
On the request of her in laws she agreed to give him one chance and stayed back. Her question to him every time was why? She would have backed up, if she knew he was over with her and loved someone else. Because for her, his happiness was more than her’s. Every time the answer to why, she got was different. He even blamed her for being the main reason, many times. Now she was loosing her cool…staying with him knowing that he is betraying her was taking a toll on their relationship and on her . They even argued and faith over the topic of other woman. He became physical too. She was so hurt this time that was ready to leave his home and get seprate as he offered. But then he only calmed down and then scolded her for provoking him. He, many a times, said he will set down everything, given some time. But whenever she asked how much time he would either went quiet or started arguing.
He strongly said twice that he cannot live without the other woman too and he is trying his best to nib the love for her but is not able to. And when she said ok she understood his situation, being so deeply in love with him, same could be his feelings for the other woman so she will backup, she will get down but on a friendly note, not after a fight. He always refused saying he cannot imagine life without her and he cannot be happy by making her unhappy. Such on and off fights and love talks were a routine between them for a year. She never went against him nor blamed him for anything, she knew only one thing that she cannot harm this guy, who is the only love of her life and her world too.
Getting seprate was difficult, though blaming and comparing continued. On the point of comparing she used to loose her cool. But then again controlled herself. She one day told him, that if it was in her power she could have turned the time and stepped down the train she met him on. And that she never want to cross his path again in her next birth if there is any. Being partners for 7 lives as it’s said, she freed him from that bounding too. He was shaken till his core. He cried for what he had done to her, twice and admitted that he had no courage to bring up the topic to her because he knew it was wrong. She melted and thought of staying back and give their relationship a one more try.
One day he asked her to bring a script file down. When she open the drawer of his cupboard, a paper fell down. In an act to put it back, she saw it was a photocopy of his and the other woman’s marriage certificate, which dated exactly as the second letter specified. She lost her balance and fell on the chair lying there. Unfortunately she missed the seat but landed on floor and her head thud on the chair armrest. Listening to the sound he rushed up. Seeing her lying there unconsciously, he rushed her to the hospital. When they were back home after the treatment, she asked him, he really married that woman? And to this his meek yes, was a first nail in her emotional bend. She recovered very late from the shock. Next day when she tried to talk him about this he said he was getting late for a story discussion session for his new film so will see when he can squeeze in the time and left home closing the door with a bang behind him. She felt so upset and lost that couldn’t think of anything. After half an hour she left home with nothing but a water bottle in her hand. She kept a voice message for him and was lost in the people on the street.
On hearing her voice mail he alerted his parents and asked to search for her while he is on his way for the same. After searching a lot no one was able to find her. They were about to lodge a complaint when he thought of going to her apartment. Though they have searched there too, but he wanted to confirm once again. On reaching there he found a window loosely closed. He tried to open it up and it did open. He jumped in and found her hiding in her bedroom. She was in confusion whether to go back to her aunt and uncle or to some working woman hostel, she told him later when they were comming back home. He said why didn’t she waited for the evening, he could have make her understand what he meant by what he said.
Back home, he was very sad and shaken by her act. He again blamed her for doing so. That he thought she will never leave him, but she broke his belief. For half an hour everything was OK but then a sudden call came from the other woman and everything changed. She accused her of being a culprit and sending her some rubbish messages. To her astonishment he was not ready to listen her side of the story, leave apart believing her. Somehow the matter was settled by the interruption of the in laws.
But now she was not the person she used to be. None noticed that but blamed her of being negligent, ignorant, lazy and careless. But the actual problem she was facing was rise of mental illness which was going to stay with her for always. It gave a lot of pain thinking that she did everything for him but in return what she got was a betrayal and another woman for her husband. Slowly slowly she gave up the fight and was getting more and more clutched in the grip of the illness. Every time she thinks what has she done to earn such a pain, from the only person she trusted? Was her mistake, to trust or to love him so deeply.
Now it had become a routine that whenever she complained against her, he would come fuming and grilled her as if she was a criminal. It was out of her control so one day, in laws were home for a weekend, on such grilling situation she argued with him and when he hit her, it was the second nail in her emotional bend, she went to her room and took some sleeping pills and wrote a letter in his name and slept. When she didn’t turn up for a long time her mother in law knocked her door but no reply made her rush back to his son and husband. He unscrewed the latch and lock of the door and threw open the door. Made her vomit and kept her awake. After sometime he asked if she is ready to acknowledge her mistake and want to control her mind only then they can stay togather. To her utter astonishment she said yes and he took her to the psychological therapist. There they discovered her mental illness and treated for a month. It was controlled to a limit. To come out of the whole thing she went back to joining her job.
She tried to show her bubbly and jovial side to everyone and even to herself. To convince one and all that she was all right and everything was running fine. But there was a girl who observed her deeply and noticed the change…She was cheerful more than she usually was. She cried a lot in front of her and her husband once saw this and was angry that how come she found someone to release her pain and find relief. But still she kept in touch with this friend of hers. And slowly slowly everything settled down between the two. But her controlled illness kept showing up now and then. Sometimes her hands were cut, pinched or scratched. She cried to her pillow every night. Every night is like a hell to her with all those unwanted voices screaming in her mind. Infact every second of the day is like living hell to her. All the negativity tries to pull her down and mind never let her speak about her feelings. One day her husband said it doesn’t matter if she cries in front of him or not but her crying is making his all efforts go in vain and if she feels the same way then there is no point in doing anything for her. Since then she stopped crying. But her tears were not dry they just flow inwardly. Making her mind go cray and shout at times deafening her.
One more year passed in such a way. And everything looked in control. One fine morning he told her that he was going on a shooting schedule to Europe. She jumped to her feet and opened her mouth to ask if she can accompany but remembered the earlier times when he always refused to take her along, so just said congratulations.
When he returned from the trip, he showed many pics of the location. And she was happy as if she’d been there. One day on google she found the same pictures but by another person. Looking the name she was taken aback. She asked him if she accompanied him and when he said yes only because they were not getting enough time here because of her so he took other woman along. She asked why didn’t he asked her then? Don’t she deserve the chance? He replied contradict to it. And this was the last nail in her emotional bend. She started seeing other woman in her dreams, sometimes taking away her man, sometimes taking her place in her home and so on….24/7 her mind kept on repeating whatever she had once said to her and how she came in between them. And a lot more heck kept going on.
One day she asked her husband if he had seen the other woman today, he replied no but in actual she had seen them both sitting in a cafeteria holding hands and looking into the eyes, the moment she longed for. She told him that she now knows why he never spent such moments with her because it was being fulfilled outside. He had no answer for that. Her dreams were killing her, she dreaded sleep. The loss of sleep made the condition more problematic. Day by day her condition worsened.
She found a lady’s perfume in the car which didnt belong to her. This gave her a big jolt and she fainted. After regaining the senses she stopped talking to anyone and even going out. She stopped comming out of the room and stayed in bed whole time. But whenever he came near her she got the spark and a twinkle in her eyes. She even smiled. But left taking food and medicines. She was always on a thinking mode. Always deeply engrossed in her own world.
He knew he has made a big unrepairable mistake but nothing can be done now so he tried his best to bring her back to life. On one such occasion she replied that her home was destroyed. She can not come to the terms that the only person she had as her own, her life and above all as love, betrayed her. All these days she tried to understand the mystery that she gave him the best of her but the other woman always got the best of him, why? What ĺacked in her love, dedication and trust? To this he could not reply. He only said that there is nothing lacking but why all this happened, he couldnot reply. She then asked him to leave her side as she needed some rest and if he was to stay there, she will not be able to do so as his company was all she wanted all her life and now when she is tired and needs rest, he is there by her side. She closed her eyes with these words. She looked exhausted and pale. It was then that it striked to him, his wife was actually heartbroken and not well. He bent down to kiss her lips when she suddenly opened her eyes and said to him, he was eternal love of her life and that she will never leave him alone, as he asked her on many times to stay with him and grow old. But she said her body and mind are not designed for this pain. She was tired of being tired and being sad too. She closed her eyes and was smiling in her sleep too.
He kissed her believing that what the ancestors said will be true that a kiss will unite them forever as the spirit is said to be carried in breath. He felt something wrong and rushed her to the hospital. There the doctors announced her brought dead. And moved away from her asking him to fill the necessary formalities, leaving him shocked and betrayed. It was then he noticed that his wife was standing beside him looking lovingly at him. And then whispered that she will be always there for him, whenever he needs her. And touched his forehead and vanished.
A train moving fast towards its destination. Stations after stations were passing by. In the second class AC coach everyone was dozing off in the afternoon.
She was sitting all alone by herself. Eyes glued to the magazine she was holding in her hand, but thoughts were running away in other direction. She was bit tensed, her looks told.
Opposite to her was sitting a boy who was busy gazing at her and noticing every change in her expressions. He was noting down something every now and then.
Both were completely ignoring what sceneries were passing outside the window and the hawkers who came in the coach to sell something.
The time passed and it was 5 in the evening when she finally tore off her gaze from the magazine and took notice of her surrounding. It was then that she noticed the boy. She changed her intrest to another family sitting on the side berth. They had a small kid who was equally tired of the long journey and was crying. The mother was trying to comfort him somehow. Father was giving them an irritated look, for disturbing the others.
She stood up from her place and walked towards the toilets. The sudden jerk in the train got her imbalanced and she stumbled but managed to stand again. While she was returning, the train had stopped at a small station. She got down to get some refreshment and tea. While she was stepping up the door the train started to move and before she could understand a strong arm took hold of her arm and pulled her up.
Back on her seat, she thanked him and again lost in her magazine. But was easily getting distracted, and looking out of the window with a frown. It was getting dark by now and nothing was visible clearly fro the tinted window of the AC coach.
Seeing her so frustrated, boy tried to talk her out of her boredom. It was then she got to know that the boy was a struggling script writer who was looking for a female character in his story and that he based it on her. She told him that she was an orphan who lived with her maternal uncle and aunt who were not good to her. So she had applied for a job far from her hometown. Actually to escape from their torture.
The hello hi of the train journey became a good friendship of their life. The girl got good job in an private company with high package and the boy got a picture made on his script. It was a hit and he got the credit for it. He gave the whole credit to her and they became more then friends.
One fine morning he came along with his parents and friends to her home. It was a nice small apartment with greenery around. She was about to leave for office when the doorbell rang and on opening the door she found all of them at her door step. She welcomed them in with a smile, to her drawing room with minimal furniture, white and peach curtains of lace and net hanging on the big windows facing the park of their society. Her apartment was on second floor and the balcony was big enough to seat a party of 5 members. The apartment had her characteristics visible in decoration with simplicity, cleanliness and specious place speaking of her inner beauty.
His mom said she is perfect for the occasion wearing yellow saree with broad red border, with red binding on her forehead making her wheatish complexion glow even more. Big eyes lined with kohl and neutral pearl color on her lips. Golden bracelet on left wrist and brown leather strapped round dial with mother of pearl base watch on her right wrist.
She was bit astonished, for what occasion was his mother talking about. And when she looked at him puzzled and said she is already running late for office so if he tells the reason for comming so alarmingly, it would be good. He only smiled but his mother again said that now onwards she is not to worry about office and work or money, but only if she accepts the proposal of her son with love and without feeling any pressure.
She was dumb struck and without blinking gazing at his mother. It was then his mother came slowly to her and touched her palm lightly and placed a ring on her ring finger and looked with hope in her eyes.
She bent down to touch her feet with a blush on her cheeks and then turned to his father to touch his feet. And she was gathered into his arms and welcomed by cheers and claps from friends.
Soon the most awaited night came and the whole night echoed with the wedding chants and with the laughter of friends and family. On their wedding night he got a call from a director and was asked to write a script of a block buster hit Tamil film, but was required to stay in chennai for the required period of time. The boy couldnot refuse to the offer because it was from an well known big director who was very selective about everything related to his movie, so the boy didn’t want to miss the opportunity. He told everyone about this offer the next day and very one started praising her for being a lucky charm for him. He nicknamed her as his lady luck. And in a week he went off to chennai.
Though the girl was sad as they didn’t get proper time to be togather and he had to go leaving her but she was happy for him, too. They used to talk on phone, whatsapp, face time. But as her work was demanding too, she could not took time off to go to chennai. She began missing him now even more, so one day she planned to surprise him and risked her job by taking an day off at the time of project go on air time. And landed at chennai airport. Called her husband saying that she needs to know the address to send some gift. He replied sadly that he will not be able to receive as he was staying with the director of the original film and he has taken him out for a weekend for a better understand and bond between the two as he was working on the script of his film.
She couldnot control her tears and a sob escaped from her mouth. He then realised that she herself was the gift and began feeling bad for them both. She then hung up the phone giving him a kiss over the phone, as she understood his situation.
By the time he could convince Tamil director and reached airport her flight back to home took off. With the tears swelling up 8 his eyes too he waved to the plane.
Back home she busied herself in her work and tried to take her mind off from the lonelyness she felt from his absence. Time at home she used to fill with spending with in laws. The talks on phone, face time and whatsapp continued.
Time passed by and after 2 months he returned. It was like a festival for her. They were busy catching up on the missed time when one day he planned to take her on the honeymoon. She was very excited. He went to his director’s office and she was packing their luggage when she got a call from him. Tears rolled down on her cheeks and she sat down on the bed with a thump. Her mother in law came and asked her what was the matter, why suddenly her glowing face became dull? Wiping her tears she told that the son of this director was getting married and they have to attend the wedding that too on the same day when they were about to leave for their honey moon destination. Her mother in law released a deep breath and kept a compassionate hand on her shoulder.
Next day he postponed their tickets to next month, so she was content with this. And happily went back to her job cancelling her holidays. One month passed and he was engrossed in his work and she was to meet the deadline again and this time she didn’t want to take any risk. So this time also their plan was postponed but not for more than a week. And finally it was cancelled. She then gave up on the hope because she understood the nature of his work. So whenever he used to say we will go this time and due to some meeting or some script work had to cancel, she only compassionately smiled and then got busy with her work. This went on for two years, and one fine day he finally gave the tickets in her hand to the her most favourite place, she applied for a week long leave and was granted.
Next week they flew off and enjoyed their stay. A week later at home, she was feeling very relaxed and refreshed. The routine work started again.
Two more years passed, he was a well known name now and she was promoted too . He got busier and she started feeling lonely. On evening she told him that she was thinking of taking a break from her job and spend more time with him, may be her loneliness will reduce. He said he was with her in any decision she takes.
She applied for a long break from the firm, stating that she will gain continue the job with them after the break. And that was agreed upon. She felt very light hearted that evening. The family celebrated the occasion.
For the first few days he spent the proper time with her but one day said that he had to go abroad for some script work on a foreign film, to talk about the rights and all. When she asked why he ? His reply was, he was launching himself as a director with this movie, because for how long can he write for others and sit back looking them under the lime light. On hearing this she became very happy and asked for how many days this time? And if she could join him?
On the day of leaving, she hugged him cried bitterly because she was refused the visa. But then she was happy for her husband. Again the old story repeated of calls and chats. This time 3 months passed and when he returned she threw a party.
With his directorial debut he hit the charts. And as a director too became a successful name. She from her side did whatever she could, to make him feel free for his work. Whenever there was some doubt he would ask her or being the nature of the field he was in, rumours came up she stood with him. People did try to make her go against him, but not successful. She always trusted him. Whatever he said was the only truth for her.
One day a letter arrived at the post and was a dressed to him. She opened it and was dumbstruck. When he called her up in the afternoon to enquire about her day, she in the last told him about the letter. To which he was struck too. When he came back that night, she asked was this real whatever was written in it about him. He shrugged it off and said no, actually it was a trick by his rivals who still consider him a mere script writer and his success doesn’t go down well with them. Everything was calmed down that moment and they slept soundly.
He had started coming home late now a days but made a point to ask her about her day at home and after that went to sleep, sometimes without listening to what she was answering to her enquiry.
Years passed but they didn’t get another chance to go out. And he became more busy and the rumor mills were grinding fast. She was noticing some change in him, now a days. But said nothing, for she thought it was her mind playing tricks. Even in his whatsapp dp and face time dp there was drastic change, he kept the pic of radhakrishna and murugun swamy with two wives of his. She asked whim why sudden change? From past 4 years and a half the same dp because he didn’t want to attract unwanted attention. Then why now? To this he said it was like an lucky charm plus his pic was attracting unknown people so changed. To this she laughed and teased him of scratching the face of any radha who would dreams to come near his love. This happened twice or thrice. She asked him to cut shot another dp to one wife and murugun swampy to which he cropped both the wives. Everything was taken lightly and was forgotten by her.
He grew more busy and she more lonely. She started feeling suffocated and squeezed now. But never came up with any complaints. Her in laws Meanwhile shifted to their beach house. And came now and then to visit them. She thought may it’s the reason why she is feeling more lonely. So she invited them to stay with them. They did come but for a month and then returned back as they didn’t want to disturb their privacy, to which she opposed a lot. The day when they were returning, he got ready in a very desirable way that she longed to keep him on her side. She said to him jokingly if he was seeing someone these days and he was taken aback. But recovered soon and smiled sheepishly saying no its all in her mind.
Continued in next part….