My writing day so far

My all writing days have the same fate! Each day is pretty much the same. I have not written much.

As, I have already informed you all, long ago that I have been trying to write a memoir about my father. But what should I say about my pace. I am not an inch ahead from the point, I wrote last, a couple of months ago.

My emotions take over me and then comes a halt. Everytime, I beat myself to sit down and write, can’t write more than few words. How on earth, am I supposed to make any progress? Only thinking to complete my book can’t make me complete it, right? I understand to actually glue myself down to the seat of my chair and keep my fingers playing the the soothing music of tip-tap over the keyboard.

I don’t see it happening any of the day I decide to write. May be, I should switch to phone from laptop. But that is more hectic. There are many reasons behind that, too.

Writing a memoir.

Hi dear fellow bloggers and writers.

I was thinking to a write a memoir from a long time but was not able to start. The reason was that I couldn’t decide upon the topic. I am not a big personality nor a known figure, so, at a point gave up the idea. As who would like to read my memoir but then a point striked in my mind. It is, basically a theme for my photo album, about my father.

The time spent with a loving father, who is no more to guide you, is the most cherished treasure for any child. That said, I chose to write a memoir about him. Anyone can relate to the emotion, easily.

So, I planned two-three subtopics along that main idea. And started working upon them. Recently, wrote outlines for the first few chapters. But, I felt the need to break from writing the memoir. Because, the memories are overwhelming and I cannot take it in one go. So, just to find the support and comfort, I turned to you people, who are my strength and supporters in times of breakdown.

The memoir is called, ‘ Remembering father, through the eyes of a daughter.’ Hope you understand what I meant by saying ‘overwhelming’. I have to go down the memory lane to fetch the most minute details. Every time, I come out of the dream world when Papa was alive, I get hit by the harsh truth of his demise, long ago. This makes me emotionally robbed once again.

These are the times when I need him by my side, the most. I understand that whatever your age may be, but your first comforting shoulder is of your father. In any trouble, you look upto him for support. And today I am feeling lonely. In his absence I am all lost. The feeling of emptiness engulf

Something that scares me sometimes.

Paranormal – one of my favoriteacan’t say completely that I believe in it nor I can say that I don’t believe but it amuses me. I mean the topic.

Well leaving behind all the debate of I believe or I don’t, let me tell you a story. A story which occured years ago in my ancestral home.

It goes like this, one of the men working at our mansion, had always trouble sleeping in his quarter. As I mentioned it was ancestral so was centuries old. And being so, it had it’s own share of spooky stories. But,now don’t let me embrangle you from the main story. Well,I think I should not call it a story but true incident. So, this guy, who worked for my grandfather was given a quarter in the outer portion of the mansion. There were others also in his neighbouring quarters but they never said a thing about some sort of disturbances.

This guy alone had a problem, so we all thought either he is imagining things or hallucinating under the influence of cheap alcohol. But every morning he used to wake up with sores on his face and shoulders. In the evenings when he used to come up with cowmilk for the household, we used to surround him to tell us the story of his ‘brave’ encounters. May be from there my interest in paranormal and horror genre started.

Well, coming back to my experience, yes my experience as now I can own the incident bravely. One day he was supposed to go to his village and return by the night. That evening another house help who was assisting him, came to deliver milk and gave the keys to his quarter, saying sorry as he couldnot stay in there. First we thought this guy is influenced by the stories but then he showed a slap mark on his left cheek, which he had covered from a cloth, used to tie on head to save from heat.

Next day, we children planned to go and see in the quarter, what the mystery was? So, without telling elders and the nannies and specially the governess, we sneaked out. Six of us, a whole bunch of screaming and shouting children, full of excitement, reached the outer garden and then crossed the garage areas and there was the outer line of the house helps’ quarters.

The keys were with the eldest cousin. At time he used to be very weak hearted. And I was the bravest one. All the others in the group encouraged me to take the keys and open the door. And being a good loving elder cousin to rest of them, I did what they wanted me to. We entered in and to my surprise, the bulb which one of us switched on, went off with a blast. And imagine who was the first to escape? No, it was not my eldest cousin, but me! Yes me. Because I have acoustic startle reflex. May be some of you might be laughing at me or questioning me over the claim of being bravest of the bunch, but believe me I know what the hell I deal with when I say ASR. Enough of my side story, I will tell you what happened next.

The moment I jumped out of the room, everyone followed the suit. I gathered my wit and entered again followed by rest. We stayed in there for about half an hour but nothing happened. Apart from one of my younger cousin, who actually was scared, felt cold and heard something. Looking at his condition we left the room and locked it again. Kept the keys back in place and didn’t utter a word about our expedition.

The guy returned in the evening instead of previous night. And we were eager to see if he notices something in room. He stayed the whole time out of it and after dinner retired to his room. We were watching him from the main gate to the main mansion.

Next day it was sunday, yet we woke up soon and gathered in the common verandah. Before elders could question us, we all ran from there towards the quarters and what we saw was unbelievable. The guy with his bed and bedding, was lying outside with the bed atop him. Rest of the men and their families had come out and surrounded him. He woke up and took all his belongings back in the room, came out shutting the door behind him. We asked him what had happened to which he shrugged his shoulders and told us that it was nothing new as every night someone threw him off his bed, only this time it’s out of the room with his bed. Then he went back to his work and we came back inside.

We didn’t say anything about our expedition and never spoke about this experience with anyone. Today, decades have passed but this is the second time I am mentioning this incident. Prior to this time I mentioned it to my hubby some two years ago, I think.

For now this is all. May be in next post I will share some other such experiences from my home and other places, that too if you like. Thank you for reading till end and if you didn’t then also for bearing with me.

Encounter with Tiger

Year 1995. June.
Place Jim Corbett National Park.                           Time: 11:00 AM

We headed for breakfast, towards a small restaurant in the Ram Nagar santuary guest house.

The place was small but very luxurious for the government unit, it had a library and an amp hi theater apart from the restaurant. There was a ‘machan’ built on a tree near by our apartment and it was near the boundary surrounding  the guest house. Few meters away from this tree, there was a stage like structure built about the height of a single story. It was for climbing the elephant.

So, we stood in a que near the stairs  to go up and waited for our turn. After about fifteen minutes or so, we climbed the stage and we’re asked to climb the elephant in another five minutes. We all sat on same elephant.

The moment it started to move, it was an experience for lifetime. A wonderful memory to store. The way it swinged while it moved forward gave goosebumps that made me giggle. The ‘mahavat’ asked me to be quiet as we were on the safari and that too for tiger watching, so being quiet and still was for most requirement.

The elephant took us on a trail filled with excitement for both elders and children equally, through the deep jungle. Sometimes, patches of grassland emerged between the huge and dense trees where the grass was at the height of four to four and a half feet. The ‘mahavat’ said here the danger lurks hidden in the grasses, for the elephants carrying the tourists as last month same time a tiger attacked and elephant twice but the courageous elephant defeated the beast and took the  tourists back safely. But the tourists were so afraid that even though they were grown ups, they literally did shit n their pants and the lady with them started cry and fainted.

On listening to this incident, we were not afraid but our curiosity increased to another level, specially for us children. From those lurking open grass lands we moved to shaded grassland spots and at a distance we saw a herd of deers.  Moving ahead say for a half meter we saw some wild boars and at a place we saw a fawn and mamma deer fondling. This was the time, when all the childhood stories came tumbling forward to my mind from a deep slumber. It gave a different feeling, say, sort of nostalgia. How and where they lived and may be their homes were hidden somewhere in the deep jungle. In my mind at that time, the homes of the animals were same like depicted in the comic books. From there we moved in more deper part of the jungle.

At a distant part of the jungle we heard some particular type of whistling and at the same time the ‘mahavat’ got excited and asked us to be alert. He asked us to keep looking around carefully as we could get to see the big cat anytime now. I was so excited that I chuckled and told my baby brother how it would be a privilege to see it. Papa glowed at me signaling to be quiet.  My brother was sitting in front between my parents, just behind the ‘mahavat’, then sat my uncle and behind him sat aunt and me. We both sat adjacent to each other.

The ‘mahavat’ started to speed up the elephant and it literally started to walk briskly. From opposite came another elephant, carrying another sat of tourists but it was running in different direction so our ‘mahavat’ asked theirs, which direction? He pointed to the left behind us. And next moment, without loosing a second our elephant was turning back. Then it traced back the track from where we came, up to five hundred meters and then took another track and continued to walk in the direction of the whistling sound with that another elephant following us.

After reaching to spot between big trees and dense shrubs, I saw two or three more elephants standing in a circle and all tourists were pointing in a direction and bustling with excitement. I could not understand what was the matter. My brother was overexcited but still I didn’t get the point. And was busy figuring out what’s the reason, looking around and between the bushes. It was then that papa said there was lion, lying in its full majesty and giving us the chance to admire his beauty and charisma. In all the people, I think I was alone who could not get even the glimpse of it and told so to papa. The ‘mahavat’ then faced the elephant in the opposite direction so that me and aunty now faced the spot. Aunty was like oh my god! What a beauty. And me? I was like what, where and what the all fuss is about. I was looking around in all the directions except where I should actually be watching. Annoyingly mom told me to look down.

That was the moment. A moment of pride, a moment of thrill. Some feet below me, just meter away, lying there was a fifteen feet magnificent tiger. In its full glory he stretched like a mighty king, who seemed to be resting after a good kill and letting the admirers take a look. It seemed less bothered about all of us. I was all awestruck with its beauty, strength and stealth. I was so lost in my admiration of it that I forgot to take a picture. That massiveness of flesh and bones, raised its head just once to look at us and then waved its tail in a motion to flew off the flies and then went back to sleep. It seemed the tiger was telling his intruders to leave.

Taking the sign we turned back an left. On our way back to guesthouse, we met couple of safari elephants on their way to tiger trail but we later came to know others were not as lucky as us to have even a glimpse of tiger. Our ‘ mahavat’ asked for “tip” as a token for showing the tiger. Even other two ‘mahavats’ who returned empty handed, wanted some “tip” as we saw the tiger.

At lunch, everyone was talking about the sighting of tiger but no one knew who saw. It was then, someone at the reception asked the manager, and he pointed towards me ( I was standing near reception area to take some mouth freshners,  after lunch) and then the loads of congratulations poured in over our group.

That day and incident are graved in my memory like it happened yesterday, in its full vibrancy and details.

My Home

I know many if you might not believe what I am going to tell you here but it’s TRUE my friends.

So the story goes like this, no actually it’s not a story but true incident from my childhood. So it goes years back or should I say ages back, when this house of mine was built, in the beginning of the Beitish era in India. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I am from India and to be more precise from the western India.

So it goes like this, when the house was built, it was very basic type, with big hall like rooms, open courtyards, arches and verandas. And bathrooms were not attached like these days but were built at quite a distance. To top this the house was surrounded by open land which was basically a frm land. It spread till where one could see. One side big trees were there, as like at the border of the forest. Many wild animals, specially leopards and wolves used to come in the vicinity. They used to carry away our cattle or sometimes killed them at the spot. That was how the atmosphere was in those days.

Jumping back to 40 years back, when we used to live there. Actually we abandoned the place some 20 years ago. The reason being distance from educational institutions, offices and rest of the developing city. So, what I was telling you people was that, there were many secrets in that house. Atleast we believe so. My great great grand father loved the place so much that he never wanted to leave it, so even after his death, people say that he stayed back and many, including my grand mother swears to see some sort of white figure with white hair and beard, very fragile but prominent, roaming on the boundaries of the building at nights.

This is one incident there are many such incidents and believe me all are so freaky. One of them goes like this, the legend, of course of my family, says that there is a lot of wealth hurried in the old part of the house. So my grand pa without telling my great grand ma planned to dig up the place and for this he first sent us mom to their village home and then with the help of people working at his estate, started to dig the place. The other night my great grandmother had a dream where and old man in white robe with white beard and mustache and hair told her to ask her son to stop digging for the wealth which is not intended for him but the third generation from him.. or else he may loose his life. So the very next morning a messenger was sent to this house of mine and my grand pa had to give up digging.

No till date no one has found that wealth, infact every one forgot the legend. The other story goes like this…its moreover kind of ghost story. There are three rooms at the exterior of the main building. One of them was occupied by the person who used to look after the cattle and milk them. This story is about his experience. At night he used to sleep in his room but in the morning he was always found out in the yard below his cot and it actually lying on top of uma as if someone has thrown them out with force. He used to say that every night he fights with someone faintly visible and after he sleeps that someone throws him out of the room. Though that entity never hurt him or anyone in the big house. I have seen this person lying in the courtyard with the cot upside down but never saw or felt the entire, intact no one from the family e or did but people working on the estate and our tenants did mention many things.

This was not the only site but the rooms built below our room…that was the biggest horror. There were 3 rooms below our room and a veranda and a courtyard then a room and a small veranda opposite to those rooms. Beside this room there was a huge indica tree and below it was a bathroom of golden days. And this veranda had a door to the open land surrounding the house. At night it was like we were in jungle. So, as I was telling about the rooms below our room, one of the three rooms was adsigned to mum’s house help. First one was there since my birth then she had to leave due to her family issues the other one was a boy from our village, who came later. What was common in these two was that they felt presence of something but never felt fear and yes there were lot of snakes in that area. Every morning they saw the marking moving from their bed to the door. Now when I think of those days I wonder how they used to sleep in that atmosphere.

Tou won’t believe I never felt afraid or knew the fear until I left that ancestral home. The last but not the least story is very recent. When my cousin was young, he was sleeping near the window which opened in the small garden of jungle berry which was enclosed in one of the courtyards. So that night he felt there is cool breeze coming in so opened his eyes to check but what he saw, gave him high fever. He found someone looking at him from that window, which was at the height of more than 20 feet. He jerked off from the bed and screamed, uncle and aunt came out and saw him lying in sweat and hot with fever, though it was cold. This incident is giving me goose bumps even now.

For now this is enough, rest will continue in next episode of my home.

Leap of faith

I fell in long distance love relationship. We never met. So I didn’t know anything about him apart from what he had told.

In the begining it was like normal friendship but time took its turn and the friendship changed into love.

Once he asked me to meet and I planned a trip to the place he asked me to come.

It was so exciting and thrilling to plan such a thing. Never ever in my dream, I thought I would be doing such a thing.

Finally, we met. It was like hundreds of trains and jet fighters passed by me and my heart throbbed like hell. I was nervous and happy at the same time.

I did not want the moment to pass. For me, it was a prayer being heard and my wish granted. The whole day we spent talking and listening to each other’s future plans and dreams. In the evening we sat on the steps holding hands.

I don’t know about him but I had lived a whole life with him in those moments. When the time came to part, I was shattered and cried like hell because I thought dreams never come true repeatedly. I feared that I will never see him again.

I am afraid, if we didn’t part then we could not have married after a year and a half later.

I believed my love for him so much that I knew he cannot lie to me about his personal life, ever.

Though my family was initially against the idea of our marriage then they gave in.