I thought of swirling with you on a sweet tune of my favourite song just even for a few seconds, if not for longer. Because i wanted to distract my mind from pain, the pain which is so sharp and piercing, the pain which is incurable, so deep, so unwanted but unavoidable.
It cannot be treated as the wound of it, is not visible and its said the wouns which are nor seen are deeper and most painful because what you cannot see you cannot treat. And people dont understand that kind of pain because its not present for them to see and they believe in what they see. It cannot be felt by others so its sort of non existent for them. They do not know what the hell I am going through. Its making me forgetting all my likings and hobbies.
And in my mind its making me feel its presense every second. There are moments when it overpowers me and I just want to hide behind the darkness and sulk . They call me lazy, careless, ignorant, forgetful and what not. Dont miss a chance to hurt me. Someimes I doubt whether they understand my condition or not? But then they say they do, its me who should try to comeout of it and shrug that darkness, it makes me confused about them amd me both. Sometimes I feel am I really wantedly doing this all, this heartbreaking and life threatening thing? No certainly not, I am going through something that really exists and its eating me up internally and I am fighting it with all my might. I know I have only one life to live and fulfill my dreams so I cant let it take away all my happiness and the colors from it. Its really hard to cope but still I am trying to ignore it, step over it run from it, ahead of it, in short doing everyhing just to put it at the back of the mind so that it bothers me less.
The best remedy is his company, him understanding me and the worst trigger is just opposite of it. So, I think I really deserve some little treats as treatment. Don’t I?