My cupboard is something I dread to open. It’s like everything will fall down on me. I have stuffed it with odd things. And I am not able to bring myself to organise it. The mere thought gives me nightmare. Same is the condition of my mind. When I try to pull on one thought everything starts bombarding on me. I just cnut bare the pain. I am affraid of my mind. The inward journey even to the happy moments tumble up everything. My thoughts….OMG! I am scared of thinking anything now a days. One tug at a single thought …lo! the bundle of buried memories of love by gone, the trust laid out, everything that was dear to me, laughter, desires, color and dreams, all come rolling down upon me causing pain.
Why I am so? Some times I do ask myself but then no answer can be found so instead leave it aside and close the mind and it’s current thought process and try to focus on something g which will drive me away from the pain and the nightmare I am living through.
Oh, on a lighter note, I like to remind me one thing always when I cross this thought, that mine is (was?)a true love and that is why I am walking through my worst nightmare. One day will surely come (a bleak hope) when my love will smile back at me (just for me). I will be the only one (oh so gravely I wish) who will have het place back.