Sometimes the pain is there. It should not be but it comes smiling and registers it’s presence. Every time I fight with it I think I have conquered it and made myself immune to it, now onwards I won’t be hurting. But every time it returns with deeper reach within and I first react like a bucket of cold water has been poured over me. Afresh from every experience I just loose myself a bit every time. May be there will be a day when I would disappear. I heartily wish for that day’s early arrival. It’s too difficult to live without your true self. Nothing’s worst then knowing that you are not actually who you are behaving like. Sometimes I feel no I wish he should realise this pain in me of me being alienated from myself. But for him it’s for good that I have changed. But still I hope for him to realise at least once, I know it won’t make me, me, but at least it would allow to face the situation with little ease knowing that there is a heart who understands my problem.